Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn

Friday, October 29, 2010

what's happiness?

A comic in New York just asked me this very question, just now...from out of the blue. I have to think to does one answer this question? A comic offers us a smile. Happiness offers us a choice. We can laugh, we can "escape", we can seek satisfaction, we can hope, we can linger, we can wonder, we can try, we can pray...we can move along now and just let it all go...and then we can cry, because after all of that, we can still wonder...

What is happiness?

I think happiness is really just a simple understanding, it's understanding our impact on one another. Once we realize our power, our real God-given power to love, help and inspire others, then we can achieve "happiness". To understand how precious every passing moment actually is, and then to recognize the vitality of our very own existence, that being our influence on others--how we help them, how we love them. Do we? If so, if we do the Godly deed, only then do we learn to know our self. We learn to know happiness. And to me, this has been a refuted revelation for mankind since the beginning of time, but it's a revelation, and it's the only one worth writing a blog about too. Oh yeah, they also wrote about this "happiness" stuff in the bible...and I'm pretty sure it's in the Torah and in the Koran, and any book by Buddha. I'm not sure about Dianetics though, L. Ron Hubbard was a strange cat. That's a little comedic relief for you. Gotta laugh if you're still alive right? Anyways, I think this is all Jesus was trying to say--understand the impact you have on others and know yourself, for this is to love yourself, and to love yourself is to achieve happiness. It's the only way. Those who are cognizant of who they are have actually found their way back home. Home is that sublime, yet inconceivable place that very few are able to return to, it takes us lifetimes, but it's those who are homeward bound who risk everything to live a life worth dying for. Home is where the heart is. Where there's a heart, there is love. Where there is love, there is happiness, and where there is happiness there is a life worth living for, and I life worth dying for. You gotta know your heart first and you gotta let it guide you...all the way home, if you're ever going to be happy. To resist the heart's cry and to hold back her tears is to never know happiness.

It's the happy who are fearless, and it's the fearless who really know how to love...themselves and the Earth that surround them.

It's the Fearless who change the world.

Love & Happiness to you,

Monday, October 25, 2010

regarding everything.

With much regard for everything and everyone, and for all those who do breath and walk the earth, there is hope. We live to be loved in this life. Without love and her mercy, we don't really live, we just get by...then we die. Sad but true. The heart can hardly breath without some sort of acknowledgment from grace, from forgiveness, from mercy. This is Love's recipe, it's food for the soul, yet often times we burn this dish. All too often. We burn all the bridges down too. Ashes fill the sky, the air becomes a toxic bath to our mind and spirit and we suffocate--we drown. We burn "dinner", we start fires, and we start wars. We start wars from the inside out too, and we end up back on the battlefield, unprepared for survival. As Pat Benatar puts it, love is a battlefield, so I guess we are the soldiers. Often times we're left unconscious, shot to the heart and there's someone to blame. Tell me, where is the soul when there is someone to blame? We go off to war and leave the heart and soul behind, it's a war we start in the name of "love" too, and often times in the name of God. Yet, they're the only two things missing; love and God. We show up, they don't. This kind of war, the kind we start on a daily basis inside of ourselves, it's more like a combat between our heart and our mind. It's our very own war and sadly enough, love seems to be our enemy. Love needs a home away from the war, she needs her soul to return. She needs her wings. She needs to fly away from the mad world. Love needs to fly in mercy's sky, for love is not love without mercy's blessing. Love is not love without compassion. Love is not love without forgiveness. There's a Don Henley song that really hits close to home for me, it hits my heart and soul. It's a song called "The Heart of the Matter". The lyrics:

"The more I know, the less I understand...everything I thought I'd figured out, I have to learn again. I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think it's about Forgiveness, forgiveness...even if you don't love me anymore."

What does this life mean? I'll be asking this question for the remainder of my existence. I'm not sure I'll ever have the answer either; all the "whys" and what it all really means. I have no idea. We live on this planet called Earth, it rests on an empty space in a galaxy of stars and planets, an island universe...the Milky Way. There are a 125 billion more of them too. Huh? When I think about all this "space" stuff I feel tiny like an ant, and yet, I feel larger than life. It's a catch-22. Our world is a Utopia and so are we, and yet we live our whole lives trying to figure out what the hell it all means; who are we? Yet, we're divine like in a the middle of nowhere... floating in a vacuum of space. I think this is enough info for me. What more is there to figure out? Maybe it's better not to know what everything means and why everything happens as it does. Maybe "I don't know" isn't such a bad thing...because honestly, the more I know, the less I understand. I think the only thing there really is to know and understand is this: It's all in God's hands.

And that's all I know, regarding everything.

Friday, October 22, 2010

the wolves.

"Seek not to change the world, but to change your mind about the world."

This was information given in A Course In Miracles.

The real definition of a Miracle: When nothing bothers you anymore.

I read a story in an email a few days ago. I read this story before, years back in a book. It's the story of two wolves...

"Inside each of us two wolves are fighting. One wolf represents anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, and resentment. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, truth, and compassion. This same fight is going on inside of you, and me and every other person.

Which wolf will win? The one you feed most."

The funny thing is, I heard this story being told again last night by someone. I was in a group lecture, and this story was told. To be hearing it again seemed a bit random to me, but then again, I don't think there's really such a thing as "random".

There are also *no accidents.

There are *no coincidences.

And what are mistakes exactly?

I came across this recently...The definition of Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome.

On that note, maybe to become insane is the only actual "mistake" one can make. My thoughts.

And at the same time, maybe this is the only way we'll ever become stronger than we are; to be insane for a little while, it's life. You know, you're never gonna survive, unless you get a little crazy...or, insane. It's also a catch-22, life and wisdom. You have to make mistakes in order to learn from them, and you have to stop making mistakes all at the same time...or is it; we have to stop making the same mistakes and start making new ones? Either way, it's a total paradox. I know I've personally longed for second chances over and over again--forgiveness, new beginnings, change, new outcomes. I've longed for these qualities in others, in myself and in painful situations and circumstances, circumstances that have grown old and tired. I've done it over and over again, expecting different outcomes too--expecting change. Sadly though, change and forgiveness is not always the hand we're dealt in this game called Life. We don't always get what we want, this I've learned. We do always get what we need though, and if we're not strong enough to endure that which we need to make us stronger, then that which we need to make us stronger will actually makes us weaker, and we go insane. We end up losing. We end up making "mistakes", the same "mistakes" over and over again. Ultimately, everything keeps bothering us. So, hopefully we each come out of our battles a stronger person, ready for the next challenge. Hopefully we'll learn from our mistakes, the ones we repeat over and over again, the ones that make us go insane.

I think the greatest mistake one can make is to count on someone again and again only to be left hurting...again and again.

And so the big angry wolf is hungry again, go figure.

Oh well, I say starve it to death. Life is too short to die from a broken heart.

Feed the other wolf, the one that only wants to love.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

dear mother teresa...i have a question.

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
-Mother Teresa

I really appreciate the simplicity of Mother Teresa's sensibility and aware with all. Her wisdom is forever received around the globe and honored and cherished by so many, and I think it's because of it's lucid candor. She's easy to understand. Plain and simple. But is it easy to do what it is she guides us to do?

"Life is tragedy, confront it."

Dear Mother Teresa,
This phrase stands out the most for me. Is this supposed to be painfully difficult to do, confront life's tragedies? It kind of feels like it is. What does it actually mean to "confront" life's tragedies? Do I already know how to do this, or is this a life long journey toward a revelation, a destination I have yet to reach? Is to "confront" the tragedy the same thing as "letting go", and what exactly is "letting go"?  I'm not sure I've ever really known what it means to l-e-t g-o, to be totally honest. 

Letting go:  Is it a f*** it! I'm over it attitude? it some kind of divine and spiritual, guru like grace that comes from within, a grace that is so easily replaced by revolting emotions and defended resentments? I confuse the two sometimes--grace vs. an attitude problem. It's almost like they go hand in hand though, on a bad day. If our mind clings to our rapid and unreliable emotions, as it does daily, as well as to all that which defeats us and breaks our hearts life after life after life after life; is there really such a thing...such a thing as "letting go"?

In this life, I believe we don't forget to remember somebody, somebody we knew before. We don't forget them. So what is "letting go" if we just keep remembering everything, soul mates...past lives? And, for what is the use of a memory if we are to forget each other? Bottom line, we don't forget each other. So what is confrontation and how do we "let go"?

Maybe saying thank you to the tragedy is confrontation enough. Thank you heartache, I needed you to help me grow. Maybe feeling gratitude is actually the same thing as "letting go". These are just my thoughts. It feels right though, gratitude.

I personally think it's everyone's dirty little secret; our inevitable inability to truly let things go. I think it's a secret we each live with, a secret we live to tell...each other. Maybe it's not even a secret. Our real life story: That which we hold onto, and all that we remember.

Letting go.

Is there such a thing?

Mother Tereas would say yes. I would say...probably not.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

my love story.

"The Lights". A Photo by AM.

'Cause we're all just lights...when we turn them on.

Today I heard a woman say... 

"However many people we can help is exactly how many people we can hurt." We must be so incredibly careful with people, some of them need us more than we realize. Some of them love us more than we realize. 

To be loved from a distance, the story of my life.

Looking back, I used to blanch fearfully at the thought of feeling vulnerable with someone. I would run away as fast as I could, you couldn't catch me, I was the gingerbread woman. Eventually I was caught. It felt as if I'd been passionately arrested in the name of Love's Law, on the run for too long, I was seized and taken into custody. I was taken into the custody of the heart, the heart caged and hiding within the prison bars we lock ourselves behind--sentenced to life, never to be freed. I was behind bars, tangled "in love". I felt like I was in love for the first time. Being "in love"; to love someone far beyond comprehension it takes past lives to explain, does feel like prison in a way. How do you get out? So, I really loved someone for the first time, this was years ago. I needed to really love someone for the first time too, exposing myself terrified me for way too long. I was reckless and I needed to change. Exposure terrified me because I didn't know who I was. I had no idea. To love is to know yourself. So, I started to know myself, my real self, as I grew closer to someone else. I know a lot more about myself today, and I realize now that none of that matters anymore--hiding out, running away. To be "vulnerable" is to be honest and afraid at the same time. It's to be afraid of the reaction you may get from another person, the rejection, the truth...but to still know, at a soul level, if it's honesty you carry with you, it's light you carry with you. Honesty is the platform for which unconditional love is built upon, and being vulnerable is a sign of strength and courage. It's not a curse. It's the courage we need to take a the name of love.

In the "midst of the storm", whether it be a passionate romance going to hell, a life altering circumstance, or a loss of any kind; if we can remember to love, even when it hurts, then we can sail the violent winds and bursting tides of Love's sea in safety. Love is just the ocean, we are the captains. 

And in this sea of love....does love hurt? Yes, but only when it hurts our pride.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

connected, a deep down kind of thing.

Tuesday, Oct 19, 2010

"When someone ruffles our feathers, it’s because we are seeing an aspect of this person that exists in us as well. We attract people who mirror our own negative traits.

That’s why these people are in our lives – to offer us an opportunity to transform ourselves, and our anger. It is in moments of darkness that we can find the Light. If we transform our nature and we don’t react with anger, life will become a little better each time we change. And slowly we can experience the purpose of our life – fulfillment."

-Yehuda Berg

We are all very connected. And to the person whom we find the most faults, that person usually being someone we love beyond our comfort, well...that person actually serves a divine purpose in our life; that person shows us what it is we need to change about our self. I think that's what Yehuda is saying, in a word. What I don't like about you, I don't like about me. It's a deep down kind of thing.

Monday, October 18, 2010

the social network.

Only envision what you want, not what you don't want. I read that on someone's Facebook update. It's one of the best updates I've ever read. On this note, maybe I should pay more attention to the thousands of streaming Facebook updates. But personally, I don't care if it's raining outside or who's pissed, or who's single and who's in a complicated relationship, who blocked me, who blocked you. Why does it matter? I just like the inspirational stuff. Give me more of that!

Last night I was at a Fleetwood Mac rehearsal at Sony. I had this same conversation with a woman whom I stood and mingled with afterward, great show by-the-way. You can't beat a night with Stevie Nicks, what an iconic voice. I joked with my manager during the rehearsal. In reference to Fleetwood Mac I said, this band has got some serious potential, they're going places...I hear a lot of hit songs! It was a funny moment. So after the show, this older and delightful, effervescent woman and I discussed the importance of communication and sharing ourselves, our art and our ideas with the world. She was telling me about her website. We talked about sharing what we do with the masses via online, then she said; "Facebook is stupid". I retorted with a big grin on my face and laughed pretty loud too. I couldn't help myself. I laughed because I totally agreed with her. I actually laughed because we both have Facebook accounts, and I log on regularly. That's humor.

Speaking of Facebook being stupid, I saw the movie, The Social Network. Good movie, I liked Justin Timberlake's performance, he's good. I never knew Facebook was invented by a huge computer geek who stole the idea from a couple Harvard twins. Again, stupid. I think if the integrity's lacking in the beginning of anything we do, be it an invention or a conversation even, then we deserve the hell we reap. And, that's exactly what the Facebook geek/inventor manifested--his own hell. I guess that was ultimately the moral to the story, don't steel. He was also awful to his girlfriend who dumped him because of his pompous attitude. I found it to be amusing when he friend requested her at the end of the movie on Facebook, his own invention. I thought to myself, he must be in love...

I guess we all **** up. We live and we learn. But, at the end of the day, I guess we still love who we love, the big kind of love, as Lindsey Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac puts it. It's Big Love...and we don't even know why.

I also never knew I could be so engaged and absorbed and so uninterested and turned off by something all at once, as I am when discussing and blogging about Facebook. I guess I learn something new everyday, thank God.

As far as Facebook goes and Twitter, Blogger, Myspace (for the three people who still use Myspace, including myself)...I do always appreciate words of encouragement and wisdom, art and great ideas, in any portal of communication from whomever and whenever. It's always refreshing. I think today's social network is a brilliant way to share ourselves, but only in an interesting way...please, pretty please, with a cherry on top. There's a lot of good to be said and actually done by each of us. We are alive, so we might as well make the best of it. Let's share our light, our hearts, our soul, our wisdom, always.

And like I read on Facebook..

Only see yourself doing what you want to be doing, not what you don't want to be doing.

Envision it.

See it, then you'll do it.


(Sorry if I ruined the Facebook movie for you, you should still see it. It's good.)

Friday, October 15, 2010


Today I opened my eyes and came across the words, "harvest reflections". These words were typed onto a plastic label that tightly wrapped itself around my burning, delicious cinnamon pumpkin candle. I had just returned home from a long run and needed to rest my brain and my body for a moment. I've always said that my long, daily runs are my greatest release, but they're not really. I think my nirvana, so-to-speak, is actually when I'm doing nothing at all--eyes closed, mind silent (easier said than done). So today, after I opened my eyes, I realized my candle was trying to tell me something. "Harvest Reflections". I almost neglected to take in it's actual meaning too, my usual response to a candle label is naturally frivolous and uninterested. But, I started taking it in. I thought about it. I think there's always a "hidden" message awaiting it's discovery, everywhere and anywhere--billboards, license plates, coincidences...the list goes on. Recently I read a license plate, it belonged to the car in front of me, and it read, "n2life". Strange...I thought. That's the name of my Myspace website. That person must be "n2life" too. Or, maybe this is just some kind of message. I must be on the right path, I thought to myself. I must be truly into my life. I had a silent conversation with myself for several minutes over that one. I figured it was a confirmation from Heaven. Sometimes a confirmation from the angels, or even just from someone we love, is so refreshing in this gigantic, but oh-so-small world we live in. Confirmation that we're loved is the greatest form of communication, be it from Heaven or from each other. And, I think that when we're "into our life", we're actually on the divine path, the path of confirmation--the right path for our life. It's the only path worth treading, the right path, any other road only offers us a dead end. Dead ends are painful too, but even the dead ends serve their purpose in our lives, they get us back on the right path. If we could just find some kind of joy while we tread along, even if it's in the smallest things, like a long run or even just a quite moment, then the path is just as it should be, paved to perfection. We inevitably move along in the right direction when we're on the right path, and finding the hidden meaning in everything does help our pace progress. We're all just headed somewhere, and there is a hidden meaning in everything along the way, if you look for it.

Today's message; "harvest reflections". As the candle burns, so does our reflection. It burns right through you and directly into me. I become a reflection of you. We're simply that which we reflect back to our self. I once was told that we're all just mirrors, an irrefutable reflection of each another. So, today harvest reflections, the kind you wish to see in those who you draw into your life, because I am merely a reflection of you.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

don't fall for the crap.

 *Your True Self. I did some reading and some serious thinking on the plane over the weekend.

I think that these simple truths that I've added below, these reminders; what we are not, it's all the information we need to know to find our true peace in life. Peace is all we need to overcome the struggle of life, a peaceful mind and a calm heart. If we stop taking everything so personally, then we become our True Self--we become soulful and compassionate. We understand more when we're less involved so-to-speak, and when we're unattached in a healthy way. Unattached in a "healthy way", to me, means you stop for a second and you look at the bigger picture. You don't stop loving. You stop hating.

Everything means something. There's a reason for it all and everything does become a part of you, for the better or for the worse, depending on how you chose to respond to it. Our response is the only thing we've got going for us. IT'S THE ONLY THING. The rest of the "crap" is merely the test, it's the twist and turns that make us or break us. The "crap" is actually the test of fate, it's what we need to find God. Without the "crap", what would we fight for? It all does boil down to our response to everything, that's the real fight. What fate we chose is up to us, and our responses to the people we run from and the circumstances we deny walks a very tight rope when we're not at peace with ourselves, when the "crap" is getting the best of us. To overcome our self, our inner battles, is to truly love our self. It that simple. It's the work being done and an effort being made to become a better person. To love thy neighbor as thyself is to be at peace with yourself, but you must love yourself first. When you don't love yourself you can't love me. You can't love anybody else either. Period. Unfortunately this is the case for some, but I know we've all been here at this breaking point in our lives, at this cross road. We've all had to make the choice to respond lovingly or cruelly to another person. It's life, it's choice, and life can be so very sad and painful when we don't chose love. Life is crap when we don't consider the repercussions of our choices and our negative thinking, and when we don't stop for even a second to look at each other through the eyes of compassion and mercy, and when we don't utilize our higher being, the one we read about. Life is crap when we don't honestly forgive another human being. Life is crap when don't make any serious changes in our lives, the scary kind. Life is crap when we just keep running away, going around the same mountain over and over again. We go in circles and we live in pain and our life is crap. When we do stop to look, we'll see what we need to see. We'll see through God's eyes. But, when we continue to take everything personal, we continue to destroy our own life. And we do, indeed, stop loving, I've seen it done. Though, our True Self never stops giving and loving, the two are the same. This is the Soul, the Soul so many of us don't even know because we turn all of our tests and opportunities into crap.

~From AM.

What I read. "What you are not"...

You are not the body. 

The body grows and decays, it's insentient matter. The body takes birth and dies and feels pleasure and pain.

You are not your name.

"This is only an assumed title which is transient and can be changed. Did you possess this name before you saw the light, the name which you regard as your very self today? No, you did not possess it then. Will you retain this name even in your next life? No, you will not. Is this not another error on your part?"

You are not your senses.

Does your life come to an end when your eyes lose their vision, when your ears lose their hearing, your nose is amputated, or your hands and feet mutilated. No.

"Then, how can you be the same as the senses? Is it not, then, a mistake on your part to imagine that you are the senses?"

You are not your intellect.

"Just as you are cognizant of every movement of the mind, you are also cognizant of every phase of the intellect, every one of it's activities, the changes it under-goes, it's sublimity and depravity, it's purity or impurity, and it's right and wrong judgments. All these things come and go and are also subject to growth and decline, but you are always watching its movements. This is why you have often said, "My reason failed me, or my judgment got warped." This is too, another error on your part."

You are not the ego.

If you would use the word "I" while established in your True Self, that would be alright; "but instead, you assert your ego while identifying yourself with the totality of body, senses, mind and intellect." Error.

You are the Soul.

"You are the Pure, Enlightened, Eternal, Conscious and Blissful Self. You are not destroyed when the body is destroyed, neither are you created anew when the body is created. Your name cannot glorify you. You are eternally changeless. No one can abuse or insult you. You can remain eternally and unshakably poised in your Self. Try to realize this and remain unmoved by the polarities of worldly existence. The fulfillment of your life depends on you attaining this state."

Something to remember. Don't fall for the crap.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

those who love us best.

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only people we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Saturday, October 9, 2010

destiny needs you.

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."

-Albert Ellis

Who is there to blame?

There's no one to blame. It's easier when there is, but it gets better when there's not, even if the getting better takes forever. It's the worth the wait. To blame is to forget. We forget the power we have within ourselves--the power to forgive and the power to honor our accountability. We're responsible for our chaos, no one else, and these are the first few mental steps we have to take when choosing to design our destiny rather than ungratefully except the one we don't want, the one being handed to us daily. We can stop and make some changes. There is time. Life is short, but there's always time to make it sweet. With the power of the mind affixed on the power of the spirit, the spirit within you, and with the power of honesty, we can learn how to administer and control our habitual and uncontrolled thought patterns, creating space inside of our minds, expanding and transpiring a revelation. We become wise. We think bigger with an expanded, open mind. This is when we'll truly change the course of our lives--when we generate the power from within ourselves and actually begin to change our thinking. We all suffer from chronic thinking, it's a disease, absolutely. When we realize we have this disease, everything begins all over again. We start over like re-birth and we change our lives like re-incarnation, and we change our destiny. Nothing ends, unless you think it does. When we think it, we live it and so life is what it is. We have to take responsibility for every single thing we do and say. Our thoughts and our words spawn our fate, we can't control that, but we can chose our thoughts and our words more wisely. We can chose anything and we can make everything change with the simple powers of thought and choice. We could chose LOVE more often. That's a good start. Let's start with love.

Destiny will be what we want it to be when we love.

My love to you,

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

thank you tragedy.

This is from the deepest depths of my heart.

"Faith is the most challenging aspect to develop in ourselves. In order to have faith you have to have a crisis that requires you to find it."

I read that this morning. We have to have a crisis and then thank God for the crisis. Like Kurt Cobain once said, "thank you for the tragedy, I need it for my art."

We can do whatever we want to do with our pain, our crisis, our tragedy. We can do whatever we want. That's free will for ya! We can maintain the struggle, as though it's some kind of safeguard, for who are we if we were to actually let it go? Eckhart Tolle asks this same question in his book, A New Earth. This book really opened my eyes, and I needed to open my eyes at the time. I was blind to a lot of truth that I was refusing to acknowledge, and it was the kind of truth I needed in order to overcome some of the greatest pain I'd ever felt before in my life. I needed to save my soul. So...I questioned myself and I questioned those in my life. Who are we when we let go of our story, our reasoning, our judgments, our defense, our justification, our fear, our pain..who are we then? I say take the risk and find out. Why wait? I waited, but I'm not waiting anymore. I want to know who I am...above and beyond the tragedy. Don't you?

I heard a quote. I didn't know whether to laugh or think. "Don't be yourself, be a little nicer."

When we can find that perfect faith inside of us, the faith we find in the crisis inside of us, then we can sacrifice who we are to become the better version of the person we already are. We have to let it go in order to become that which we're not. And, what is it that we're not? We are not ONE. A lot of us aren't even nice. No "thank too's", no responses, no patience, no consideration, no concern, no regard. Hello! These are the basics. It's like taking the "Christ-Like 101" course, but we're too busy rejecting each other to enroll ourselves in the course and think bigger, and that's a fact. We can't pretend to be nice anymore either. We can't just say "I love you". We have to do it. Talk is cheap and pretending is dead, anything less than honest is obvious trickery to the soul. The soul is very wise when the soul is free. This is how I see it all at this point in my life, and I have a ways to go, this I know. I have learned that the pain induced by the feeling of being hated, rejected, lied to, tricked, and whatever it is the rest of us all go through on our journey to hell--it's not what we're meant to feel inside of our hearts. The heart hurts because of the pain we cause. It's wrong, but we don't know we're wrong because we don't all know what Love is, and until we do, we won't know how to get to Heaven. If we're made in God's image then why don't we see God in each other? To love is to see God in each other and that's it. This is my thinking, yes, but it's inspired by saints, gurus, Buddha, name it. I'm not original, but there's days when I feel like I'm from another planet or something, just living in this current, screwed up world.

We all want to be loved!! That's it. Plain and simple. So what's the problem?

*WE are the problem because we hurt each other. So, we're not ONE and we're not happy because of it. This is the root cause of our pain. WE cause it. This is something I'm realizing more and more. And, we can't cause pain and hurt someone else and expect the blessings of joy and happiness, success and whatever else we want at the snap of a finger to keep us company. That's not how it works. If I could put all the scriptures ever written into 5 words it would be, You Get What You Give. That's enough bible for me.

When we really let things go--when it's authentic, then we'll know what faith is. We'll know our self. We don't know who we are, clearly. For those who do, it's rare. God bless you.

Authenticity is the key. I read that somewhere.

I really get that "truth", for whatever it is, when it's detected it really is pretty simple to understand. We're the ones that make everything so difficult, complex, painful and deranged, but we don't have to. I like what Caroline Myss says. She's my guru. She says that often times, when we don't CHOSE faith, and when we don't truly forgive others by acting out of the power of our soul through the power of our Graces, we actually become pain seekers and we cause more pain because of it. "We've now made pain a useful servant to our self. This is one of our dark passions. This is Greed, this is not love."

Here's to faith. Here's to the tragedies. I guess we need them. They teach us how to love, truly love....well, eventually.

That was therapeutic.

Love and Light to you & thank you for reading.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

try again.

Try again no matter how many times you've failed, this I was told. Failure pushes us closer to our soul.

"Doubt not; when you want to attain any righteous goal, cast away the thought of failure. You possess the creative power of Spirit. This Infinite Intelligence will guide you and solve every problem. The sunshine of divine prosperity has just burst through the dark sky of your limitations."

-Paramahansa Yogananda

The other day I heard a man say; "find what it is that will help you change your destiny."

Find that "thing". I think when we find that thing, whether it be a dream, a passion, a love, or a longing faith, then we'll know our purpose in this estranged world, and we'll know our value and self worth in each others lives. I think this is what the journey of life is all about--knowing how to change our destiny by knowing what it is we must do for one another. This is how we'll learn to truly help ourselves, by having compassion for each other. I think it's team work, without a doubt. It can't possibly be all about me and where I'm headed, there's just no way.

I wrote a song called "Change" about a year ago. I was going through a lot of change at the time. My life was upside down actually. Fortunately, it all changed for the better, as I knew it would. I knew my life would change and so it did. I was on the edge of my own hell, my heart was breaking, and I had only a dream feeding me any hope at all. It was all the hope I needed, and so I believed in change. When we believe in anything, anything is possible.

I think "change" is always arising in our lives, offering each one of us the help and the opportunity to improve our self and our life, we just don't stop for a second to notice it. We're in a hurry to get what we want and need, moving and going nowhere. I heard a woman say this; "it's like we live our lives in a rocking chair, we're always moving, but where are we going?"

We miss the opportunities to try again all too often, and we miss so much because of it.

I feel we all must change. That's the process of life. However long that takes us each, I don't know. I wonder sometimes. Sometimes I feel I've lost all hope in some people whom I love. But, as the clock ticks, ever-so-slowly at times, my hope is regained. It takes me time, it takes us all time to get the mind back to the heart, but it comes back, and with one foot in front of the other, life carries on. Through the act of unconditional love and divine patience, hope returns to us and wisdom prevails from within us and life changes...for the better.

At this point, I realize I can only change myself. Maybe this is wisdom. Maybe it's just  common sense. It doesn't always seem like common sense. But I know I have to change, and not over night, one day at a time. Patience is virtue. When I can change, I can change destiny. So the wise man says.

"There are blessings falling down from the sky
They're in disguise 
After I die again
I try again
And I realize
You've got to change."

-AM "Change"

And I've got to change... destiny.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

what matters?

Today I was told that when we're strong and when our heart is pure, we actually free ourselves from karma.

"Every word we utter determines our rebirth, our re-incarnation."

So what matters? Everything matters. Every single thing we do and say, matters. It may not matter now, but it will later.

i hope you remember this.

Saturday 9/2/10

Give till it hurts. It's the only kind of giving that means anything in the end. When it's easier to run away, don't. Chose love instead, the kind of love that has no expectations. It's the only kind of love that's real. I hope you remember this.

my religion.

Friday 10/1/10

I've been thinking about the word "deserve". I don't use this word anymore. I don't believe we deserve or don't deserve anything. Karma is Karma. What goes around comes around. This seems to be a mental theme of mine these past few days. "You get what you give",  I have it tattooed to my arm. I see it everyday. I have to ask myself; what do I give? What do you give? I've become much more aware. I don't deserve the positive or the negative in my life, I've earned it.

I've replaced the word "deserve" with "earned". Everything is earned, whether it be "good" or "bad".

I don't believe in "good" or "bad" either. I think every single circumstance simply offers us an opportunity for growth and enlightenment, if we want it to. We don't always want it to, but it does and it always will.

This is my religion.

big change.

Thursday 9/30/10

Today I noticed; big change comes with big sacrifice. I really believe the two go hand in hand, and you do get what you give. That will never seize to fail. Never.

not always wise.

Thursday 8/19/10

We may not always be wise, but when we love it will make us wise.

I must.

Friday 8/20/10

Remain connected, not affected.

did we learn from our lessons and did we love enough?

Saturday 8/21/10

Lessons are merely lessons until they've changed us. When we've changed enough, then we'll know how to love enough.

notice everything.

Sunday 8/22/10

Notice everything. When you notice everything, you can consider everything.

here and gone.

Monday 8/23/10

If at the end of the day we don't ask ourselves, "What did I do differently today?", then maybe that day was the same as the rest, simply here and gone and so are we.

our true self.

Tuesday 8/24/10

Beneath the wave of peace within, we find our eternal light. We find our true self. May we each actually live in this light and learn to know our true self.

the journey beyond.

Wednesday 8/25/10

To truly chose love is a journey beyond, within and without. It's a journey beyond the mind, within the soul, and without the fear of the outcome. As for the destination, I think that takes us life times to get to.

the way you see.

Thursday 8/26/10

It's not about the way you look, it's about the way you see.


Friday 8/27/10

Intuition is not a gift, it's a process. When we become less emotional, we'll become more intuitive.

a dream.

Saturday 8/28/10

A dream can heal everything.

when you find it.

Sunday 8/29

Seek the truth. When you find it...have the courage to bare it.

the wastelands.

Monday 8/30/10

In the wastelands of the wrong beliefs, we cannot find our home. Let your light lead you to yourself, for this is your home.


Tuesday 8/31/10

Satisfaction is the death of desire.


Wednesday 9/1/10

Events proceed according to a beautiful and divine plan. Trust in the bigger picture.

what we focus on.

Thursday 9/2/10

Instead of focusing on our differences, and we have many we focus on, lets look into our souls and see our shared humanity.


Saturday 9/4/10

"The mind in chaos finds chaos all around."

the only enemies.

Sunday 9/5/10

All the enemies of inner serenity: anger, fear, worry, oversensitivity.

this too shall pass.

Monday 9/6/10

"This too shall pass". Life is flying by. There's really not any extra time to do anything but enjoy it. Enjoy your life and know that the hard times too, shall pass.

dolly parton wisdom.

Tuesday 9/7/10

"The way I see it. If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."


Wednesday 9/8/10

If our suffering is not released from within our self through the act of forgiveness, we will become THAT which we have resented for so long. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Forgive and set yourself free.

the quiet voice.

Thursday 9/9/10

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow."


Friday 9/10

Fear equals a destructive heart. 

"Fear develops a malignant magnetism by which it draws to itself the objects feared, just as a magnet draws a piece of iron, and thus increases our miseries. Fear paralyzes courage and will power. Fear contaminates strong imagination and feeling. Fear throws a veil on intuition, shrouding the power of your natural confidence that springs intuitively from the all-conquering soul. Uproot fear from within by deep concentration on courage and absolute peace within. Fear cannot enter a quite heart."

Courage equals a loving heart.


Saturday 9/11/10

Energy tells the truth, always.

your life.

Sunday 9/12/10

"Your life is your message to the world, make it inspiring."


Monday 9/13/10

"Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me."


divine love.

Tuesday 9/14/10

Our ability to love each other is not perfect and it's in need of healing. Only Divine love is perfect. Divine love lives in our souls.


Wednesday 9/15/10

"Worry is the brake on the wheels of your effort. Nothing is impossible unless you think it is. No sensation or mental torture can affect you if the mind is dissociated with it. Practice titiksha, Sanskrit, for an even-minded endurance. When you practice such self-discipline, your mind becomes impervious to all disturbing circumstance and you can free yourself. Try to rise above gradually."


Thursday 9/16/10

"Saints are sinners who never gave up."

-Teresa of Avila

the perfect day.

Friday 9/17/10

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."

angels of energy.

Saturday 9/18/10

"God made us angels of energy. You are only dreaming that you have a body of flesh. Your real self is light and consciousness."

"There is nothing greater than the power of the mind. It is true that the human's ego is embodied only once under one personality and form. But although the ego successively relinquishes the in-dividualities of it's incarnations, it yet carries within subconscious chambers, the pleasures and terrors of the experiences of all past lives. Each person feels within them self many subterranean fears that are rooted in dark experiences of lives long forgotten. Resurrect your mind."

Angels of energy have the power to change everything.

the space between.

Sunday 9/19/10

Be aware of the space between us. Bring the mind back to the heart.

for me and you.

Monday 9/20/10

For us.

"Dear God,

May we each be able to awaken your love in all hearts.

Peace, Amen."

"All of you have tasted love in some form in your hearts; therefor you know a little about what it is. But you have not understood how to develop love, how to purify and expand it into divine love. A spark of this divine love exists in most hearts in the beginning of life, but is usually lost because we do not know how to cultivate it. Many people wouldn't think it even necessary to analyze what love is. They recognize love as the feeling they have for their relatives, friends, and others whom they feel strongly attracted. But there is much more than that. If you could feel even a particle of divine love, so great would be your joy--so overpowering--you could not contain it. The satisfaction of love is not in the feeling it's self, but in the joy that feeling brings.

True love is divine, and divine love is joy. Joy is God."


Tuesday 9/21/10

Our true enemy is actually our very own ignorance--Deepak Chopra's wisdom. To me, this is self-realization. Most of our life, for what it is and what it's going to be, is up to us. It always has been. We've been given the power to create; for what is a dream if we are not to create? Creating comes from deep within ourselves, it's practically buried, and we finally dig it up after our lives have finally dug us up...from what feel like a grave. I know I've died a few times. Creating is a profound belief in one's self, emanating from loving one's self and overcoming one's self. It's understanding that life will only be what we want it to be. Though we may beg to differ, I do sometimes. I have to ask myself; if life is what I want it to be, then what is it that I really want? 'Cause this is what I got and this is what I've created. My life is a reflection of me.  

We each have the ability to control and to create, but the two are not the same. We have to surrender. I believe when we surrender we become the true author of our life. We begin to know our soul and there is nothing to control anymore, there is only a deeper understanding. The power to create is to love, and that power, whether dormant or vigilant, is always inside of us sustaining and pumping honesty into our crippled and broken hearts. There's a vast amount of fearlessness deriving from within our souls when we trade in our tainted dominion in exchange for trust and healing. To surrender is to trust ourselves and to overcome ourselves. When we can do this, we can do anything and we can love each other. When we're not afraid of anything, we can create anything. Love is the seed, whether it blooms into a flower is up to you.

"Fear exhausts life energy; it is one of the greatest enemies of dynamic will power."

We create our reality after we realize we're not afraid to. And so the flower blooms.

Peace and Courage to you.

authenticity is the key.

Wednesday 9/22/10

Authenticity is the key, it's only key that will unlock the door to our better self, our soul. It's the key that opens the gates to heaven, the one here on Earth. Heaven on Earth is love, the real authentic kind of love that we can trust, the kind our hearts secretly cry out for in the night, because it's unconditional.

The heart unattached to the illusion of loss fosters authentic love. There is nothing to lose in this life, there is only something to gain and something to learn from. Detaching from the illusion of loss that controls my mind and conceives my pain, has been the hardest thing for me to do in my entire life. I believe the mind is in desperate need of healing. When we heal our mind, we heal everything. It's a revelation, the one I dedicate to love, authentic love.


Thursday 9/23/10

"You can easily judge the character of a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them."

 -James D. Miles

true peace.

Saturday 9/25/10

True Peace.

"Peace, a king once spoke, does not mean we are in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

We are driven here and there by prevailing winds and tides. We can each learn how to navigate in a more positive and effective direction by meeting each challenge and each sorrow with grace, courage, confidence and peace. We will get hurt, as long as we're alive and breathing, we will get hurt, but there is always a light at then end of the dark tunnel, and there is peace in a world of chaos, if we seek it.

"May your life be filled with the peace and joy that is ever present within your soul. Nothing can interfere with success if you acknowledge the divine Power that is within you."

Anything can succeed, anything we want. We just have to know what we want. Then we do it, all the way.


Sunday 9/26/10

To Hope.

I have had an immense amount of hope in a lot of things that didn't work out the way I planned...and, it broke my heart. I guess life is what happens when it doesn't fit according to our plans. I still believe this, and I always will...

"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers..."Try it one more time."

Our heart can heal, though it may be scared forever, it can heal when there's hope. With hope anything's possible. Anything.

"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."  

-Thomas Hardy

Peace and Hope.

if I should die.

Monday 9/27/10

"I believe if I should die, and you were to walk near my grave, from the very depths of the earth I would hear your footsteps."

the rescue.

Tuesday 9/28/10

No one can rescue you. You have to rescue yourself.

You have to rescue yourself from yourself, everyday. I realize this now.

a thousand miles from nowhere.

Wednesday 9/29/10

I've always liked this song, I like it more now.

"I'm a thousand miles from no where
time don't matter to me
'cause I'm a thousand miles from no where
and there's no place I want to be.

I got heartaches in my pockets
I got echos in my head
And all that I keep hearing are the cruel cruel things that you've said
So I'm a thousand miles from nowhere
Time don't matter to me
I'm a thousand miles from nowhere and there's no place I want to be."

-Dwight Yoakam

There's really no place I want to be other than at peace. Peace within; this is how I survive. The rest of my life will unfold, it's the inevitable and there's nothing more to it.

"Survivors, the people that somehow make it, have the capacity where their soul becomes stronger than their body and they have the power to keep the body engaged in a capsule of timelessness through the power of their soul. It's as if the soul becomes bigger than their body. The body becomes time disoriented."

-Caroline Myss

Something I thought of today while getting ready to go for my daily run...

I'm a raindrop. My soul is a river. The angel's the ocean and God is the sky.