Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

my revolution

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

A memento yes, but a fact? Of course! But I can hear it now; "No no...that's not entirely true. I judge that person because they're hurtful. They hurt me! That doesn't define me. It defines them." Or, "How is this possible? If I feel opposed by someone's misdeed, then how does that define ME? I'm opposed! Therefore I am defining THEM, I am not defining me"

Oh how a good argument (with myself) can make the world go round and round. My world goes round and round like a hula hoop. It's as though my life depends on me entirely, like a child - like a needy, beautiful, nagging little kid. Life is demanding and loud. I have to jolt my mind and spirit hips all day long just to keep my head above the muddy water! If I stop, so does my world. Sometimes I stop on purpose. I stop and do nothing and it's incredible. It's so restoring. When my world stops spinning, I realize I truly am a creator. And this magnificence; this grace, this God-given trait is what empowers me and grants me trust when I need it the most. I embrace the infinite creator within me with courage, not hesitation. Not anymore. Those days are long gone. But my days of judging are not. This is where I stumble. This is where I crawl.

Back to the memento: "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

"No, no no no. That's just not true." And poof! That was me in the spot light losing my religion. 

My cleverly subtle, but firm disclaims ring loud in my head! Squawking like sirens, I'm deafened by my own defense. I need an ambulance for my self-pride. She's having an anxiety attack, but she thinks it's a stroke because she's dramatic. I have a lot of pride. It's not a blessing, but it is a curse. It's a curse because I know my pride is feeble and disillusioned, and though she often means well, she only does harm in a spiritual sense. Dignity is one thing, but self-glorification is another. My self-glory shoots off mouth. She's crass and even vulgar (at times). When my ego trips she falls, and she falls hard. 

Then there's that part of me that knows this to be true: when you judge define yourself. Yes, of course! I learned that years ago! Wait, no I didn't. I learned that today. I learned it all over again. Sigh... You see, this is something that we may or may not learn, and if we do learn it, we'll forget it. And then we'll learn it again because we'll read it on Facebook or Twitter, then we'll forget it again. Then the world will use our amnesia to go round and round! 

It really just depends on how open we are to that whole "letting go" thingy ma-jigger. I personally don't think anybody will understand this memento, or better yet this 'doctrine', if they them self are not willing to surrender at some point. At least a little. Baby steps count too. And by "surrender" I mean you have to be open to shifting your perception - a change of mind, or a change of heart needs to commence in some way or another. Some people suffer from heart-aches more then head-aches, so it's a subjective conversation to say the very least. Again, baby steps count. Figuring out whether your head hurts more than your heart (or) vice versa is a good launching pad for self-discovery. Though it does take longer when infantile conditions are applied. But regardless, you're still getting ahead with baby steps! 

Back to the memento again: "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." 

It's what all the great masters and gurus have said over the course of many centuries that have come to pass. And I totally agree! 

And then I don't. Now back to that part of me that says, "Uh hmmm (Clearing my throat). I beg to differ!" This is the part of me, or THE OTHER ME, that I believe I was born to understand. No, that's not the word I'm looking for. To distinguish. No. To accept?  No, that's still not it. To learn from?  Yes, but still no. I sense that I'm getting closer though. Oh, I got it! 

This is the part of me, or THE OTHER ME,  that I believe I was revolutionize!

And how do I revolutionize the part of me that I do not fully understand? Shall I take baby steps? Yes I shall. My baby steps often look like questions. How do I distinguish the life inside of me that I have yet to fully accept? How do I learn from what cannot teach me, because I will not let it because I do not understand it? And what is it called? Do I call it me?

Some call it the ego. Some call it blindness. Christians call it sin. I associate THE OTHER ME with karma more than anything. That jives with me, but even fate and fortune both can fabricate a plentitude of variables, variables that have often plundered my faith and trust. Twists of fate can cause damage if we're not careful of what we wish for. Some call it a mistake - to lose sight, to argue with the TRUTH,  to rebel against mercy, to hurt someone, to be hurt, to lose everything. Is it a mistake though? If I am who I am because of my journey and all that came (and went) expectedly and unexpectedly, then was any of it really a mistake??

I'll never call it a mistake. Nothing about me or my sacred journey through life is a mistake. Not even THE OTHER ME is a mistake. Whoever she is, she's beautiful too. She just doesn't know it yet. 

It's not called a mistake. It's not called a sin. It's called life. 

Well, at least it is in my world.

I am life. And, I am love. I'm even pain and fear, and that's what makes me beautiful. Shadows are created by light. Without my shadows there would be nothing to revolutionize. And that's my revolution. 

I am what I am. The rest is history.

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