Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

about me

  .... I love Marilyn Monroe. She was a beautiful, extraordinary, goddess princess. Nuff said. 

I also like Italian food, long, corn ball walks on the beach... but this isn't a dating profile so let me get to my blog. It looks like dialogue cause I'm a screenwriter --

(eating chocolate, 
 slightly whimsical)
As an artist!!! As an artist... as an artist -- Or, more specifically!  As a writer, director and musician... I just strive to help make a difference in the world... and that change starts with me. So, I tell all here at "Regarding Everything" in hopes of provoking more honesty and open-ess in the world "out there". 
Because we're starving for open-ness and honesty!!! We want the truth!!! 
                 (Jack Nicholson voice) 
But we can't handle the truth!!! Seriously though, we're hungry.... They should put truth in $1 bean burritos or Kale. We'd get so fat on authenticity and virtue. It'd be awesome, in a fat way. We're also totally desperate, if not needy, for love! But I'm not judging. I'm totally needy and desperate for love too, every second Sunday of the month and maybe on Tuesdays. Or possibly every day but who's counting?  I am! Why!? Cause I'm a WRITER and WE GOT ISSUES and I gotta figure my shit out fast so I can write about it! And tell all! Ha. Now give me a cookie for my honesty. Or a glass of wine. I'd prefer a glass of wine actually, that way I can drown my issues in antioxidants, "oh shit!" text messages, and a good buzz.   
                 (totally humored by my own humor)
No, but seriously. My issues are beautiful. They give me "curves". Not physical curves though. I'm actually pretty thin. It's genetic. My mom is a treadmill. Spiritual curves is more like it. I don't go straight (ever)... I swerve to the left then to the right. I ride the waves like a surfer goddess. I bend. I break. And I say fuck it! #repeat.
I dare to live on the edge where it's risky... where I'm broken and beautiful. And thus, my issues.  But we all have them... whether we swerve hard and to the left or we play it safe. We all meander through the day 'doin' our thang' in hopes of NOT being confused anymore and maybe discovering our life's purpose one day.  And I believe we can obtain our life-purpose info, as well as more love and more truth more abundantly through the art of self profession and self-discovery... and include in there a deeper connection to others. Yes, it's an ART. Get my drift? That doesn't mean you have to paint, or sculpt, or web design, or act, or sing or write screenplays... It just means your art is what's in your heart, and we've all got a heart. So I simply dare you to DIG and go deeper within your own core. 
                (Clever, poetic)
What's your heART say? Do you dream beyond the night and day? Life is but a dream... or a nightmare depending on how you perceive it. So I say change your perspective! Dream. Listen to your heart. Get more real by getting more free... and then fly like a bird. And may that Free Bird journey be a glorious one...for you and for me. Sat Nam. 


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Los Angeles

 This video features a version my song "Angel Out There" that's never been heard or released before, until now. 

Moving to LA was the best thing I ever did. It's been 8 years and counting since I packed my little Honda to the brim and drove myself to the City of Angeles, though it feels as though it's been 20. How time has flown, and yet how time does stand still, when I stop to notice. To put it very plain, I've gone through a lot in this small-scale metropolis we call Hollywood. I've been very high and I've been very low, but like a colorful kite I'm still sailing in a vault of heaven on my heart's sky boat. Yes, my heart has a sky boat. I sail not the sea, but the sky because I prefer to be above not below. Rise above and carry on. My creed. Experience, hurt, challenge and triumph have all guided me toward my eternal moon where I wish to play among the stars one day. Until then,  I swallow the sun in my relentless effort to live the truth and comprehend that which is not. I swallow the sun and hope to show everyone the light within us all when we strip the silence and flip the violence inside out. Look within and look closely. I paint my silver linings on a day-to-day basis. Without them, I'd be lost.

So, thank you LA. You gave me the silver on my search for the gold.

I've grown up in la la land, a "boom town" often mistaken for a big city. But it's not a big city, and I have a profusion of synchronicity to prove it. Yes... serendipity and parallel lives are both the platforms in which my life has been built upon in Los Angeles. And though the seasons have shifted and some's chapters were dwarfed, I'm thankful for the experience despite the ending. I believe there is a divine reason for every human interaction regardless of the effect it has on me. I win some and I learn some. I don't lose some.

Because there's nothing left to lose, and when there's nothing left to lose...everything that's left is all that you need. 

And I'm grateful for everything that's left and for my spirit soldiers who still embrace this season with me today. I'm honored to share my journey toward a mystery with each of you. Love, Friendship, Support... it's everything.  That's why I've made this video.

This is my tribute to the dream and the people who have loved me along the way. Thank you.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

point of convergence

Hello and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope 2015 offers you vast visions, love, light, peace, and triumph.
I've been away from my blog for a while. So, I wanted to drop in and share some news while I pontificate.

For the past five months I've been screenwriting, an art form that's become my new favorite creative medium. There's just something about inventing a world and all the people in it... it's invigorating as f***!!

Last summer, I directed and starred in the movie trailer for my debut feature film entitled "One Love, One War", which was one of the most rewarding and fantastic experiences of my life. This includes the entire process - from writing the script for a year, to casting and meeting countless actors, to re-writing the script for 6 more months, to finding crew and discovering earth shattering talent, to meeting producers, making new friends, shooting, editing, releasing, talking shop, to NOW! And the journey has only begun, according to me.

Now I'm onto my second and third script simultaneously and I couldn't be more delighted to be drawing my precious focus in amidst this new year kick off! What better time than now. 2015 here I come. Focused and ready.

I realize it's FOCUS that makes me ready and anything is possible, especially screenwriting. Plain ol' FOCUS is all it takes to create the life you want to live, or don't want to live. I can pray all day long and ask the man in sky to open all the doors for me and make my wildest dreams come true, and I do. I most certainly do. I ask the man in the sky for lots of stuff. Sometimes I even beg him. I call those PMS induced prayers. I may whine a little too, but we all have our off days. I also ask favors from the man on the cross, the man with the white beard and the turban, and my favorite holy Hindu man. Oh Shiva, please do destroy this for me. It's annoying. Thanks! 

I ask a lot of men to do a lot of things for me. Ha. Dear God guy, would you please..? Could you please..? With a cherry on top? Amen.

But let's get serious, without my focus I can't expect any of these "men" to do anything at all. I believe God is in our actions and our words. And if we neglect or just forget to do and say something powerful and effective (on a regular basis), then there is no God and life sucks.

I have to do the dirty work. I have to speak up, and so does everyone else with a dream and a purpose. I have to tame my possible A.D.D. (Gemini) like a lion first. I have to tune in and tune out, step back then jump in as though diving head first into a sea of solution. Focused I am because it's a new day damn it! And it's a new dawn and a new year, and like Joan Didion once said: "I have already lost touch with a couple people I used to be". So, forget who you were and be who you are. Lose touch. Lose all your senses. Be typhlotic and perceive all that never was so that you can detect all that is with joy, wisdom and strength. Wonder off like a child if you must, but only to discover where you are, not where you're going.

And sense the truth all her grace and glory, and in all her mystery and suppleness. Then notice your horripilation, your skin bumping up, as you intensify as though a lover's coming close. You're honest now. Things are clear. You know what's up. And she gets closer - guiding you to freedom, guiding you to you where you find your point of convergence.

The truth is lovely.

Sat Nam. Happy new day and new year.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Just know

Live in the know. 

Know that you're being guided. Know that there is something to learn from every experience and every relationship. Know there's a lesson. Know that everyone has a purpose in your life, whether they come and go or stick around till the end. Know that there's a truth in every matter. Know that you can always start over. Know that every new day is a fresh start. Know that you have a purpose in this world, even if you don't know what that purpose is. Know that one day you will know. Know that life is a journey. Know that life is short, so enjoy it because nothing lasts forever except the memories you leave behind. Know you are memorable. Know you are beautiful. Know you are powerful and brilliant. Know that you are loved. Know that you are big. Know that you are small. Know that you can change everything simply by changing the way you think about everything. Know that you can help change the world. Know that you are that incredible. Know that you are enough. Know that you are stronger than you think you are. Know that you are a light source that can shed light on other lives, inspiring and healing others. Know that you are a healer. Know you are a friend. Know that you can increase your sense of knowing by leaning on love, rather than fear. Know that love is what you were born with. Fear is what you learned here. Know you can let it all go...Know.

Just know.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

break through

I got away from my blog for a few months because I've been working on a film for the past year and a half. I just finished directing, producing and starring in my first original short film. I spent over a year writing the feature and then adapted it into a short-trailer. I had the time of my life writing this story and taking so many leaps of faith - meeting so many new and wonderfully talented people. And now I'm excited to be onto the next step forward as a film maker, as a human being, and I'm grateful for the journey it's been thus far, and for the journey it will be. Words do not even begin to really describe how I feel about my life.

Although, there is one word that can describe this feeling, this experience and every experience on that note. And that word is Trust.

To release the urge to contend with life as it is, is to trust. To resist that urge and simply allow rather than refuse is to trust. By opposing what is or what potentially will be, could be, might be, should be, we become contrary to everything - love, peace, understanding, acceptance, new beginnings. You name it. But by allowing life events to unfold as they do in accordance to something greater than our self, without kicking and screaming, we start to make great use of what we've got, rather than not. And what we've got is the power to press on and reclaim our life, our hope and our vitality. We become acquainted with the truth at this given point, and the truth is: It is as what it is. So, let it be. You're not as almighty as you think you are. You are very powerful, but there is still something more divine than the clever chaos stirring in that mind of yours, motivating your every move. What's meant to be will be. And having a sense of trust in something fantastic is helpful. It's a shoulder to lean on. It might even be your own shoulder, but when our trust does set in, it sets on our hearts and it glows like the sun dazzling on an autumn eve. It's magnificent.

And whether you're investing your certitude in God, or energy, or affirmations, or love, or just yourself alone, or all the above, or just a few, trusting that bigger reign gives that bigger reign something to work with - some wiggle room per say. It's like saying; "Okay, I'm ready for you!". Without hope and confidence, divine intervention cannot intervene nor can it thrive. Personally, I think our spirit or our higher self, or our God, needs us just as much as we need it, so making room for "the intervention" is the key. It's also my religion. Everything else is merely commentary.

It's not an easy way in either, nor is it an easy way out because once you're in there is no "out". But you have to break in like a thief in the night. You have to kick in the door and bust open the window to your soul. You have to rob yourself blind of all hope and all presumed identities until all you can see is YOU. Stripped down naked. Empty. Broken. Open. Hopeless and compelled. Now you're in.

But you have to break down before you breakthrough. I heard Gabrielle Bernstein say that. And this is where our humility kicks in...and it kicks hard. But before it kicks (us right in the ass), we kick and we scream and we cry, and then we pray, or we don't pray. Then we try to fix everything our self. We think we can change everything by changing everyone. Then that doesn't work. So, cue the break down. And be it nervous or emotional, or psycho, it can break us all the way down. And for some of us this is the point of no return. We thought we were the master of our destiny, and we are in a way. So, why the shitty fate? Why the no return policy? Because the breakthrough is still to come.

You see...destiny is forever just like diamonds. Our fate, on the other hand is provisional. It can twist and turn. It can flip us upside down and chew us up and spit us out. Fate can spin us around in circles.  And round and round we go as history repeats itself as it does so well. But fate, no matter how grim, is also our skipper. She's our sea captain in a cosmic ocean of breakthroughs and revelations. She gets us back home where the heart. Where we're whole and happy.

After the break down.

Then we become the master of our destiny, indeed. I do believe in this vast concept, but this vast concept comes with a paradox or two, and they're alive and well. Break down. Break through. Break free! By allowing. Because it is what it is dammit! And it can suck major ass. So, deal with it...peacefully. Or don't and be unhappy.

I can't change what's beyond my control. Those are words I force feed myself when I've lost all my precious control. I can't force it. I can't chase it. I can't beg it. I can't fight it. I can't convince it to understand me. I can't hit it. But! I can let it go...or maybe I'll just let it be.

Let it be. Let it be. Let it be...let it be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be. Let it be. 

These three words + you = happiness. Cue the breakthrough.

Happiness is not overrated either. I don't care what they say, but it is a slippery lil sucker. Cue the escargot. Ha! Pretty Woman humor. Happiness is tricky! I've said this before, and though not an idea nor a true emotion, not if you ask me, happiness is a perceived, gustatory sensation in the mind and body. I'm no doctor, but I do know that emotions pass like scenery when cruising down a highway at rapid speeds. They come and go. They're high, they're low. Emotions are assholes. Happiness is not an asshole, and it's not designed to touch and go like a flighty jerk. Happiness isn't fly by the wind. Though it can be spontaneous, it's reliable. It's not ephemeral. It's everlasting.

But it's tricky! But it's not a trickster by any means. It's a saint, and not the Catholic kind. Unless they were happy. Who am I to judge a catholic saint? I'm just saying, when you're delighted to be alive and  a smile paints your face like a crazy Picasso while your heart sings a song that makes you want to dance, you are a saint too. With or without the rosary. All you really need is you to evolve in such a way.

And once you've got the whole "happy" thing figured out, you can take life by the balls because there's no fooling you. No person or circumstance can take your joy from you because you know too much. You know that cheerfulness and peace of mind haven't got a seat to sit on in a room where all of your emotions have gathered the way people do at a conference or a concert, or a baseball game. It's an emotional conference and it's always a game. Our emotions love games, there's no denying that. It's an ear-splitting concert where we've jammed earplugs into our ears and there's only one encore, maybe two if we beg for it. Then away you go. Back to your car. Back to your exhaustion. Back to your over-thinking, analyzing, planning, worrying, laughing, worrying, planning, drinking, moving too fast, moving too slow. It's a soap opera. It's Dr. Phil.

It's a bottle of wine.

Happiness on the other hand, isn't. It's not a show or an emotional whim, nor is it a buzz from a nice Cabernet. It's not obsession over anything. It's relaxation over nothing. It's simple. It needs nothing but you. Happiness is steady when achieved without force, and it can last forever. It's hard to believe, even for me, but this is a realization I've come to at this point in my funky life, and unhappiness has been my funky muse. Unhappiness is a douche but she makes for a great teacher. Unhappiness is like that hot school teacher who strips at night. Useful and yet so unfulfilled.

I think you have to be unhappy for long enough before you fully understand the power of pleasure and optimism. Now I'm not condoning misery, nor am I disregarding it. It's a part of life at some point for everyone. It's an emotion. It's an experience. It changes our life for the better or for the worse. It makes room for our fate to kick us in the face. But like I said earlier, fate can lead us to our destiny. After it kicks us in the face, we can reclaim our happiness despite how we feel because happiness is a mind set that defies our emotions and creates a shift in our consciousness, and in our life when we let it. When we allow it.

Happiness is a song, and that song is called..."Let it Be". Pure joy might even be our truest six sense, or our seventh sense. Either or.

I thought this thought while in the bathroom this morning: If it sparks in your heart, act on that instinct. The heart craves happiness, so happy you will be. But if it starts in your mind, resist the urge to over think it. Let it settle. Maybe re-consider. Adjust and start to trust by asking your heart a question or two, or forty. She's not as crazy as they say she is. The heart is instinctive. The mind is impulsive, but a change of mind is genius and a new perspective...well that's a miracle. And so is happiness.

Marianne Williamson makes a genius point in her reference to A Course In Miracles by saying; "Love is what we we're born with. Fear is what we learned here."

Love, let it be and be happy. Life is short.

Friday, April 25, 2014

martin, jen and john

Who needs a plan when you've got options.  -Jennifer Aniston

That just may be one of the greatest things ever said by an individual, if you ask me. Forget the plan! Pick and chose as you go. Picking and choosing implies an ability to establish and even pin point opportunities. You can create opportunities or 'options' by leaving your expectations at the curb. Expectations are like empty boxes sheathed in pretty wrapping paper. It's not so much a gift if you think about it, but more so a let down. Expectations are assumptions disguised as high hopes that ultimately mislead us. We look forward to the future, and that's great! But we do it with a game plan in mind - a scenario if you will. We might even call it a dream, or our truth, if you're the "out there" spiritual-digger type. That can translate to anyone. Spirituality is a mind set, not a religion. It's a lot of things, but I'm getting off subject.

Now back to the whole plan thing.

Our scenario, also known as our dream, or our truth, or our "way" is often of grave substance to our mind. It may even be very meaningful to us. It might be everything to us because our plan smells like fish frying. It taste like productivity, if productivity had a taste. It looks like irons in the fire. We're hot. We're busy. Our big sign reads "Occupied".  But of what value or use is our plan when we start boiling things down to the heart?

Does it take a plan to be happy? Does it take a plan to make a dream come true?

Let me start by asking another question. What is a dream when we're not asleep? And what the hell is a dream when we are asleep?? When I'm usurped by the witching hours - my body still, eyes are closed - I become a slave to the mystical me. My subconscious mind catapults me into a vatic world of prophecy, delusion, and psychotic abstractions. Sometimes I can't wake myself up from the far fetched dream world. I'm hog-tied to my sleep while I fly and panic because my teeth are falling out. My car breaks don't work. Someone died. I'm in a house that I grew up in...It's weird. To dream is to misplace myself in a garden variety of subconscious junk where I'm bounded to apparitions of wayward love and premonitions that are akin to my soul - somehow, someway. Then I replace myself and I dream a happier dream, and then I awaken to a new day and it starts all over again.

It's an escape. It's a forewarning. Dreams are messages when perceived more intently and when understood. But I don't understand, no...not completely. And what does all this dream talk have to do with a plan anyway?

Martin Luther King Jr. understood a thing or two, and I'm sure he had a plan or two. He definitely had a dream. He said it himself. "I have a dream." And he was a man with the fortitude to endure, firstly, a nightmare. Hatred came knocking on his visionary door. A racist refute pervaded and invaded, but he kept dreaming! And he awoke from the torment kicking and screaming. He kicked and hollered until he created a movement. Several movements prevailed actually, including Woman's Rights, as black woman begin engaging in the feminist movement. Things started to change for the better. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, and then he was murdered. RIP.

But, that wasn't his plan.

No one plans on being shot and killed. It may have been a tentative worry in his mind, or in anyone's mind whom may choose to tread the sterling path of revolutionary leadership, but it's never the plan. Martin Luther King Jr's plan was to combat racial inequality through nonviolence. He spoke for the people, by the people, and he made a stand...because he had a dream. I'm getting redundant. But it's the good kind of repetition. ;)

He had a dream. He had a dream. He had a dream. He had a dream. But is a dreamplan?

Maybe it's simply an option. And who needs a plan when you've got options?

Because if it's true, if we do actually have the power and the voice to chose our destiny and to live the life we dream about, then maybe our dream is just one of many destinies. We pick and chose as we go, right? And we live and learn. The dream is modified, it shifts. It changes and it distorts. And so do we. Maybe our "dream" is just an option that works, for now. A passionate one, yes. But passion doesn't require a plan.

So maybe our plan is just one of many let downs. It's that "gift" in that empty, but pretty gift wrapped box. It's a second thought. It's a thousand thoughts. It's a revision. A new course. Maybe The Plan is really just an opportunity to reconsider...our options.

Then we can dream!

"'Cause life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."  -John Lennon

"And you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."  -John Lennon

Love & Peace,

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

live free spider

When I'm upside down, 
I don't see the earth...I see the sky. 
And I remember that there are no limits.

My limits are fathered by my hesitations. The two are the same actually. And speaking of fathers, my own father fumbles in his unwillingness to whirl with this thing called "daughter". So, I am a woman who feels father-less for the most part, and even mother-less for the most part too. But I'm no victim to a juicy sob story. I'm grateful for it. It makes me who I am, and I'm no perfect world tucked into flesh and bones. I have just as many issues as the next weirdo. I just don't dwell on my issues, and when I do, I fucking hate life. So, it's better not to dwell. I strive to fry as many bigger fish as possible, although sometimes I catch myself fishing in a pretty small pond and I realize I need an ocean. Again, I've limited myself and it's defeating when unrecognized and/or denied. Oh, but I recognize it. I denied it for many years, but not anymore.

I caught her (me) red handed. Like a small and helpless little bug, I caught myself in my very own web of lies. I became my worst enemy - a spider. I hate spiders. I've started to notice my clever ways of spinning my webs too.

The creative lacework begins to twirl as I start to give my power away to a situation or to a person YET AGAIN. Rather than staying powerful and defying the circumstance via use of my innate power, I step down from my higher self and abdicate the only thing that's truly mine; my self-worth and my dignity. And that's exactly how I shackle myself to this shitty thing called unhappiness, and I fall victim to my own reticence. It only took me about 26 years to realize that. Moral to the story: I don't want to give my power away anymore. Nobody's worth the loss it entails. I lose everything that matters most when I sacrifice my value, my purpose, and my integrity to an asshole and/or an asshole environment. And there is such a thing as a plain 'ol asshole. I don't care how spiritual you are.

And I'm an advocate for love and compassion. I believe that love is the answer, absolutely, so I'll give my love away, but not my power. The two are not the same.

Love is power when the power is still yours to love.

Now back to my point from earlier. Everyone's pretty screwed up for the most part, unless you're a saint, and you're probably not, and I don't know any saints. So, we've all got issues. So, mom or dad, ex, Joe, or Schmoe...I take it with a grain of salt. (On most days.) I have my off days. I will admit, movies like The English Patient and Father of the Bride or anything or anyone else promoting steamy, passionate love or a father's love for his daughter does draw tears to my eyes. But hey, I'm only human sometimes and sometimes I just want to cry and boohoo over my daddy issues and/or all my traumatically failed relationships. Fortunately those emotional downfalls are short-lived and few and far between. And fortunately I've moved on too! (For the most part) You never really forget the ones you loved, but life does go on...when you stop to notice.

And I've noticed that I really just want to laugh. I'd rather laugh than cry on any day. Crying is too depressing, though it can be very healing and cleansing at times, it's just so damn heavy. I want to lighten up! So, dear Life of mine, please make me laugh at the stupid shit that brings me down. Please help me to see things differently. I think that'll make me free-er. And speaking of freedom, there is none to be had when hesitating because reluctance is the by-product of fear, and FEAR is all in the mind. And the mind...well that's wheels within wheels. The mind is one big difficulty interlaced with something convoluted. It struggles to outweigh our emotions with too much thought causing us to abandon our hearts and souls like orphaned children. So, our True Self is an orphan. She sings like little Annie. "Tomorrow, tomorrow... I'll love you tomorrow."

We'll love our self tomorrow. We'll love someone else tomorrow. We'll love our life tomorrow. We'll get to it tomorrow. As for today, we'll get nowhere. Today we'll find something to cry over, or an excuse or a person to hide behind. Today we'll find a reason to be lost, unfulfilled, and confused until we parent ourselves back to our true self, back to our soul and our true purpose in this life. Once an orphan, now you're a soldier of love! You're a fountainhead designing your destiny. But, you have to give yourself a home first, because home is where your heart is, and only you can find that place within.

So, it's not about our mother and/or our father, and what they did (or) didn't do, or couldn't do. It's not about the one who "got away" either, or the one who broke our heart. It's not about the mind because our mind too often tells us a lie. It's about the truth. And the truth is: Where we go from here is a mystery. So, appreciate your life. LIVE YOUR LIFE. LIVE YOUR DREAMS, whatever your dreams may be. 

Because if all life is truly just a stage, then life is not a cage. So, don't imprison yourself. Don't limit yourself.  Just dance and sing, or just smile and live FREE...spider.

Upside down. Inside out. Do what makes you free.