Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn

Friday, August 14, 2015

you and snafu

Photo and meme by Danielle Grunkemeyer. 

I often wonder to myself... what does it really mean to be successful? 'Cause a Range Rover isn't going to do the WHOLE job. And whatever job it does do, it's going to involve heavy LA traffic, stop lights and me warding off impatience and anxiety in my attempt at being a better person. So, that surely isn't success. Kudos to my efforts at bettering myself, but the Range Rover just isn't the answer. Neither is the Oscar I hope to win one day... or the Emmy, or the Golden Globe, or the Grammy. Hell, I'm not picky. I'll take 'em all! And when I do, if I do, oh I hope I do... it still won't define success. It may for some, but not for me. Porque??

Because nothing's ever enough. My brutal honesty. It the "not enough" syndrome and it's probably something most of us can relate to in one way or another. This snafu complex has it's pros and cons too. You can get a lot done when enough is never enough. You can thrive on a walloping sense of motivation, ambition, or even delusion when you just don't have enough. Maybe you're broke, so you join the rat race. You become that dog that eats the other dog because you must have more. There's nothing to lose when you have nothing. So, you go out there and you get more, but then you need more after that and then some more after that. And then maybe a little more after that too, or a lot more!

But they say less is more. And this is why they say that.

For someone like myself who believes firmly in having nothing to lose because life has an expiration date, I just think there's so much we fail to keep when enough is just never enough. For starters, we fail to keep it real, and that's the greatest tragedy of them all. When we pretend to be something we're not, we're not successful. We're convinced. We're persuaded into thinking that if we don't do it this way or that way, and if we didn't do this, this, and that, then we didn't do right. Thus, we did it wrong. Cue that horrid sense of failure and then that shitty infinite fear of more failure.

Now we fail to keep our thoughts in check, our dreams in motion, our sanity, and our confidence while we twirl in a vicious circle not called life. It's called confusion.

The not enough syndrome also has several side effects, confusion being the most customary as well as anxiety and stress. Hernias and strokes are the more serious side effects. It' a catch-22, this little thing called wanting more and then getting it. But it's not SUCCESS.

True prosperity doesn't come with an awful aftertaste. It comes with knowledge. You have to know who you are. Whether your dream is to win an academy award or your dream is to wine and dine with the love of your life, knowing who you are and fearlessly being that person is what success is all about.

You'll have a rewarding relationship with your self and that in itself crowns your interconnection with others. You'll have a successful life doing what you enjoy doing because you know what makes you happy and you have the courage to go out there and do it, even if it is just for a moment of the day.

"Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around." 

Success isn't accompanied by a measuring tape. You don't have to reach great heights. You just have to reach that place where you say, "I am who I am and that's enough." You don't need a Range Rover to do that. You need a realization or two or two hundred because knowing who you are is a journey of it's own. It's a path that takes you to the core of everything that happens to you in this human experience. You get to your core and you don't get there in a Porsche, you get there simply by being here. Present and totally at peace. That's success.

Victory, on the other hand, is to know you still have so much more to learn about yourself, and you keep learning and you keep smiling too, because knowing yourself better is exciting.

Life is short. So, keep looking up. It makes everything taller. And keep looking within. It makes everything beautiful.

Sat Nam.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015


This is me. And this is her.

To start, I'd like to share this video from a song I wrote entitled "Something Else". This was the first single off my album entitled FORWARD, which released back in 2012. This song is about hope and healing and so is the video.

Without hope there is no healing and without healing there is no hope. They go hand in hand. There's nothing else without the two, and there's nothing to look forward to either. And that's p-r-e-t-t-y depressing. But there's an upside! There's a brighter side somewhere else... where the grass is greener (because you watered it) and because you made the effort to live and learn rather than just live and die. You choose the life you want to live or you don't, someone else does, and you live unhappily ever after. You choose. I choose. We all choose. We either opt for something else or we opt for nothing else and nothing changes.

I want something else and I want it every day. That doesn't mean I want everything to change on a daily basis. I love my life. It just means I rekindle my world on the inside, and as often as possible.  All it takes is gratitude, a deeper breath, more awareness and a whole shit ton more of that crazy thing called patience. And red wine. Ha! Now the will to change the things I have the power to change is mine for the taking. Cheers! Here's to something else! Something incredible. New directions. New perspectives. New beginnings.

A new path.

As for the path I've already beaten, she's a friend. She's been a jerky, uneven, rocky one at times, but she's still a friend - a noble one and much appreciated. Thanks old path! I have no regrets. She makes me who I am and she's gotten me to where I am. As for the turnpikes up ahead, that path I've yet to tread. All I know is she's a bit of a mystery, an alluring one to say the least. In my head she's everything I want her to be. She's perfect. I'm wealthy, maybe even famous. I'm driving a really hot car. I'm shopping in Greece. I'm super materialistic! Ha! A+ for keeping it real. I am only human. And in my human heart, the path I've yet to tread is actually the concrete beneath my feet right now. My heart says this fluffy rug and this cold hardwood floor, this soft breeze from the air-conditioner and my itchy toes, are what matters most. This desk where I'm writing this blog, the delicious fourth cup of coffee I shouldn't be drinking and the cute dog that's barking - it's her. She's the beauty in my bed. Her morning kisses.  It's this very moment. Perfection is right now says my heart. I have everything I need.

A new perception.

And in my soul, it's the only perception. Everything else is distortion. Life is now. To think it starts when I'm rich and famous, or shopping in Greece, or anywhere other than HERE is a false interpretation of the truth. And the truth is... life is a journey and it starts here right now, but that's not all. She's so much more. I have yet to discover her entire-ness. That could take lifetimes. I do know she's a constant reminder to just let go... because she doesn't last forever. She's short and sweet like a poem so live and let love. If we don't, then she's long and winded. And she's a lesson, a slow and painful one for many. I prefer poetry.

So a poetic path she is 'cause she's what's written. She's destiny. She's serendipity and a parallel life. She's beautiful. And until the mysterious future shows its face, life is what she is and what's meant to be will be. I like to call my life a she because I see her as female... like me. Like mother earth. Like the spirit goddess within. She's the woman who gives birth to healing hands and hearts that weep with mercy. She grants consistency to hope. I relate. I understand. And yet, I have so much to learn... about myself.

About her.

I feel deeply compelled to discover her meaning though - her outcomes amidst her battles, her victories amidst her glories. 'Cause this is me... and this is her. And yes Madonna, life is a mystery but we don't have to stand alone. I prefer to dance... and it's takes two to dance together. To dance with her...

But it only takes one to discover her meaning. And One Love is indeed... her glory. And it's Something Else.

Enjoy the video! Sat nam.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

about me

  .... I love Marilyn Monroe. She was a beautiful, extraordinary, goddess princess. Nuff said. 

I also like Italian food, long, corn ball walks on the beach... but this isn't a dating profile so let me get to my blog. It looks like dialogue cause I'm a screenwriter --

(eating chocolate, 
 slightly whimsical)
As an artist!!! As an artist... as an artist -- Or, more specifically!  As a writer, director and musician... I just strive to help make a difference in the world... and that change starts with me. So, I tell all here at "Regarding Everything" in hopes of provoking more honesty and open-ess in the world "out there". 
Because we're starving for open-ness and honesty!!! We want the truth!!! 
                 (Jack Nicholson voice) 
But we can't handle the truth!!! Seriously though, we're hungry.... They should put truth in $1 bean burritos or Kale. We'd get so fat on authenticity and virtue. It'd be awesome, in a fat way. We're also totally desperate, if not needy, for love! But I'm not judging. I'm totally needy and desperate for love too, every second Sunday of the month and maybe on Tuesdays. Or possibly every day but who's counting?  I am! Why!? Cause I'm a WRITER and WE GOT ISSUES and I gotta figure my shit out fast so I can write about it! And tell all! Ha. Now give me a cookie for my honesty. Or a glass of wine. I'd prefer a glass of wine actually, that way I can drown my issues in antioxidants, "oh shit!" text messages, and a good buzz.   
                 (totally humored by my own humor)
No, but seriously. My issues are beautiful. They give me "curves". Not physical curves though. I'm actually pretty thin. It's genetic. My mom is a treadmill. Spiritual curves is more like it. I don't go straight (ever)... I swerve to the left then to the right. I ride the waves like a surfer goddess. I bend. I break. And I say fuck it! #repeat.
I dare to live on the edge where it's risky... where I'm broken and beautiful. And thus, my issues.  But we all have them... whether we swerve hard and to the left or we play it safe. We all meander through the day 'doin' our thang' in hopes of NOT being confused anymore and maybe discovering our life's purpose one day.  And I believe we can obtain our life-purpose info, as well as more love and more truth more abundantly through the art of self profession and self-discovery... and include in there a deeper connection to others. Yes, it's an ART. Get my drift? That doesn't mean you have to paint, or sculpt, or web design, or act, or sing or write screenplays... It just means your art is what's in your heart, and we've all got a heart. So I simply dare you to DIG and go deeper within your own core. 
                (Clever, poetic)
What's your heART say? Do you dream beyond the night and day? Life is but a dream... or a nightmare depending on how you perceive it. So I say change your perspective! Dream. Listen to your heart. Get more real by getting more free... and then fly like a bird. And may that Free Bird journey be a glorious one...for you and for me. Sat Nam. 


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Los Angeles

 This video features a version my song "Angel Out There" that's never been heard or released before, until now. 

Moving to LA was the best thing I ever did. It's been 8 years and counting since I packed my little Honda to the brim and drove myself to the City of Angeles, though it feels as though it's been 20. How time has flown, and yet how time does stand still, when I stop to notice. To put it very plain, I've gone through a lot in this small-scale metropolis we call Hollywood. I've been very high and I've been very low, but like a colorful kite I'm still sailing in a vault of heaven on my heart's sky boat. Yes, my heart has a sky boat. I sail not the sea, but the sky because I prefer to be above not below. Rise above and carry on. My creed. Experience, hurt, challenge and triumph have all guided me toward my eternal moon where I wish to play among the stars one day. Until then,  I swallow the sun in my relentless effort to live the truth and comprehend that which is not. I swallow the sun and hope to show everyone the light within us all when we strip the silence and flip the violence inside out. Look within and look closely. I paint my silver linings on a day-to-day basis. Without them, I'd be lost.

So, thank you LA. You gave me the silver on my search for the gold.

I've grown up in la la land, a "boom town" often mistaken for a big city. But it's not a big city, and I have a profusion of synchronicity to prove it. Yes... serendipity and parallel lives are both the platforms in which my life has been built upon in Los Angeles. And though the seasons have shifted and some's chapters were dwarfed, I'm thankful for the experience despite the ending. I believe there is a divine reason for every human interaction regardless of the effect it has on me. I win some and I learn some. I don't lose some.

Because there's nothing left to lose, and when there's nothing left to lose...everything that's left is all that you need. 

And I'm grateful for everything that's left and for my spirit soldiers who still embrace this season with me today. I'm honored to share my journey toward a mystery with each of you. Love, Friendship, Support... it's everything.  That's why I've made this video.

This is my tribute to the dream and the people who have loved me along the way. Thank you.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

point of convergence

Hello and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope 2015 offers you vast visions, love, light, peace, and triumph.
I've been away from my blog for a while. So, I wanted to drop in and share some news while I pontificate.

For the past five months I've been screenwriting, an art form that's become my new favorite creative medium. There's just something about inventing a world and all the people in it... it's invigorating as f***!!

Last summer, I directed and starred in the movie trailer for my debut feature film entitled "One Love, One War", which was one of the most rewarding and fantastic experiences of my life. This includes the entire process - from writing the script for a year, to casting and meeting countless actors, to re-writing the script for 6 more months, to finding crew and discovering earth shattering talent, to meeting producers, making new friends, shooting, editing, releasing, talking shop, to NOW! And the journey has only begun, according to me.

Now I'm onto my second and third script simultaneously and I couldn't be more delighted to be drawing my precious focus in amidst this new year kick off! What better time than now. 2015 here I come. Focused and ready.

I realize it's FOCUS that makes me ready and anything is possible, especially screenwriting. Plain ol' FOCUS is all it takes to create the life you want to live, or don't want to live. I can pray all day long and ask the man in sky to open all the doors for me and make my wildest dreams come true, and I do. I most certainly do. I ask the man in the sky for lots of stuff. Sometimes I even beg him. I call those PMS induced prayers. I may whine a little too, but we all have our off days. I also ask favors from the man on the cross, the man with the white beard and the turban, and my favorite holy Hindu man. Oh Shiva, please do destroy this for me. It's annoying. Thanks! 

I ask a lot of men to do a lot of things for me. Ha. Dear God guy, would you please..? Could you please..? With a cherry on top? Amen.

But let's get serious, without my focus I can't expect any of these "men" to do anything at all. I believe God is in our actions and our words. And if we neglect or just forget to do and say something powerful and effective (on a regular basis), then there is no God and life sucks.

I have to do the dirty work. I have to speak up, and so does everyone else with a dream and a purpose. I have to tame my possible A.D.D. (Gemini) like a lion first. I have to tune in and tune out, step back then jump in as though diving head first into a sea of solution. Focused I am because it's a new day damn it! And it's a new dawn and a new year, and like Joan Didion once said: "I have already lost touch with a couple people I used to be". So, forget who you were and be who you are. Lose touch. Lose all your senses. Be typhlotic and perceive all that never was so that you can detect all that is with joy, wisdom and strength. Wonder off like a child if you must, but only to discover where you are, not where you're going.

And sense the truth all her grace and glory, and in all her mystery and suppleness. Then notice your horripilation, your skin bumping up, as you intensify as though a lover's coming close. You're honest now. Things are clear. You know what's up. And she gets closer - guiding you to freedom, guiding you to you where you find your point of convergence.

The truth is lovely.

Sat Nam. Happy new day and new year.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Just know

Live in the know. 

Know that you're being guided. Know that there is something to learn from every experience and every relationship. Know there's a lesson. Know that everyone has a purpose in your life, whether they come and go or stick around till the end. Know that there's a truth in every matter. Know that you can always start over. Know that every new day is a fresh start. Know that you have a purpose in this world, even if you don't know what that purpose is. Know that one day you will know. Know that life is a journey. Know that life is short, so enjoy it because nothing lasts forever except the memories you leave behind. Know you are memorable. Know you are beautiful. Know you are powerful and brilliant. Know that you are loved. Know that you are big. Know that you are small. Know that you can change everything simply by changing the way you think about everything. Know that you can help change the world. Know that you are that incredible. Know that you are enough. Know that you are stronger than you think you are. Know that you are a light source that can shed light on other lives, inspiring and healing others. Know that you are a healer. Know you are a friend. Know that you can increase your sense of knowing by leaning on love, rather than fear. Know that love is what you were born with. Fear is what you learned here. Know you can let it all go...Know.

Just know.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

break through

I got away from my blog for a few months because I've been working on a film for the past year and a half. I just finished directing, producing and starring in my first original short film. I spent over a year writing the feature and then adapted it into a short-trailer. I had the time of my life writing this story and taking so many leaps of faith - meeting so many new and wonderfully talented people. And now I'm excited to be onto the next step forward as a film maker, as a human being, and I'm grateful for the journey it's been thus far, and for the journey it will be. Words do not even begin to really describe how I feel about my life.

Although, there is one word that can describe this feeling, this experience and every experience on that note. And that word is Trust.

To release the urge to contend with life as it is, is to trust. To resist that urge and simply allow rather than refuse is to trust. By opposing what is or what potentially will be, could be, might be, should be, we become contrary to everything - love, peace, understanding, acceptance, new beginnings. You name it. But by allowing life events to unfold as they do in accordance to something greater than our self, without kicking and screaming, we start to make great use of what we've got, rather than not. And what we've got is the power to press on and reclaim our life, our hope and our vitality. We become acquainted with the truth at this given point, and the truth is: It is as what it is. So, let it be. You're not as almighty as you think you are. You are very powerful, but there is still something more divine than the clever chaos stirring in that mind of yours, motivating your every move. What's meant to be will be. And having a sense of trust in something fantastic is helpful. It's a shoulder to lean on. It might even be your own shoulder, but when our trust does set in, it sets on our hearts and it glows like the sun dazzling on an autumn eve. It's magnificent.

And whether you're investing your certitude in God, or energy, or affirmations, or love, or just yourself alone, or all the above, or just a few, trusting that bigger reign gives that bigger reign something to work with - some wiggle room per say. It's like saying; "Okay, I'm ready for you!". Without hope and confidence, divine intervention cannot intervene nor can it thrive. Personally, I think our spirit or our higher self, or our God, needs us just as much as we need it, so making room for "the intervention" is the key. It's also my religion. Everything else is merely commentary.

It's not an easy way in either, nor is it an easy way out because once you're in there is no "out". But you have to break in like a thief in the night. You have to kick in the door and bust open the window to your soul. You have to rob yourself blind of all hope and all presumed identities until all you can see is YOU. Stripped down naked. Empty. Broken. Open. Hopeless and compelled. Now you're in.

But you have to break down before you breakthrough. I heard Gabrielle Bernstein say that. And this is where our humility kicks in...and it kicks hard. But before it kicks (us right in the ass), we kick and we scream and we cry, and then we pray, or we don't pray. Then we try to fix everything our self. We think we can change everything by changing everyone. Then that doesn't work. So, cue the break down. And be it nervous or emotional, or psycho, it can break us all the way down. And for some of us this is the point of no return. We thought we were the master of our destiny, and we are in a way. So, why the shitty fate? Why the no return policy? Because the breakthrough is still to come.

You see...destiny is forever just like diamonds. Our fate, on the other hand is provisional. It can twist and turn. It can flip us upside down and chew us up and spit us out. Fate can spin us around in circles.  And round and round we go as history repeats itself as it does so well. But fate, no matter how grim, is also our skipper. She's our sea captain in a cosmic ocean of breakthroughs and revelations. She gets us back home where the heart. Where we're whole and happy.

After the break down.

Then we become the master of our destiny, indeed. I do believe in this vast concept, but this vast concept comes with a paradox or two, and they're alive and well. Break down. Break through. Break free! By allowing. Because it is what it is dammit! And it can suck major ass. So, deal with it...peacefully. Or don't and be unhappy.

I can't change what's beyond my control. Those are words I force feed myself when I've lost all my precious control. I can't force it. I can't chase it. I can't beg it. I can't fight it. I can't convince it to understand me. I can't hit it. But! I can let it go...or maybe I'll just let it be.

Let it be. Let it be. Let it be...let it be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be. Let it be. 

These three words + you = happiness. Cue the breakthrough.

Happiness is not overrated either. I don't care what they say, but it is a slippery lil sucker. Cue the escargot. Ha! Pretty Woman humor. Happiness is tricky! I've said this before, and though not an idea nor a true emotion, not if you ask me, happiness is a perceived, gustatory sensation in the mind and body. I'm no doctor, but I do know that emotions pass like scenery when cruising down a highway at rapid speeds. They come and go. They're high, they're low. Emotions are assholes. Happiness is not an asshole, and it's not designed to touch and go like a flighty jerk. Happiness isn't fly by the wind. Though it can be spontaneous, it's reliable. It's not ephemeral. It's everlasting.

But it's tricky! But it's not a trickster by any means. It's a saint, and not the Catholic kind. Unless they were happy. Who am I to judge a catholic saint? I'm just saying, when you're delighted to be alive and  a smile paints your face like a crazy Picasso while your heart sings a song that makes you want to dance, you are a saint too. With or without the rosary. All you really need is you to evolve in such a way.

And once you've got the whole "happy" thing figured out, you can take life by the balls because there's no fooling you. No person or circumstance can take your joy from you because you know too much. You know that cheerfulness and peace of mind haven't got a seat to sit on in a room where all of your emotions have gathered the way people do at a conference or a concert, or a baseball game. It's an emotional conference and it's always a game. Our emotions love games, there's no denying that. It's an ear-splitting concert where we've jammed earplugs into our ears and there's only one encore, maybe two if we beg for it. Then away you go. Back to your car. Back to your exhaustion. Back to your over-thinking, analyzing, planning, worrying, laughing, worrying, planning, drinking, moving too fast, moving too slow. It's a soap opera. It's Dr. Phil.

It's a bottle of wine.

Happiness on the other hand, isn't. It's not a show or an emotional whim, nor is it a buzz from a nice Cabernet. It's not obsession over anything. It's relaxation over nothing. It's simple. It needs nothing but you. Happiness is steady when achieved without force, and it can last forever. It's hard to believe, even for me, but this is a realization I've come to at this point in my funky life, and unhappiness has been my funky muse. Unhappiness is a douche but she makes for a great teacher. Unhappiness is like that hot school teacher who strips at night. Useful and yet so unfulfilled.

I think you have to be unhappy for long enough before you fully understand the power of pleasure and optimism. Now I'm not condoning misery, nor am I disregarding it. It's a part of life at some point for everyone. It's an emotion. It's an experience. It changes our life for the better or for the worse. It makes room for our fate to kick us in the face. But like I said earlier, fate can lead us to our destiny. After it kicks us in the face, we can reclaim our happiness despite how we feel because happiness is a mind set that defies our emotions and creates a shift in our consciousness, and in our life when we let it. When we allow it.

Happiness is a song, and that song is called..."Let it Be". Pure joy might even be our truest six sense, or our seventh sense. Either or.

I thought this thought while in the bathroom this morning: If it sparks in your heart, act on that instinct. The heart craves happiness, so happy you will be. But if it starts in your mind, resist the urge to over think it. Let it settle. Maybe re-consider. Adjust and start to trust by asking your heart a question or two, or forty. She's not as crazy as they say she is. The heart is instinctive. The mind is impulsive, but a change of mind is genius and a new perspective...well that's a miracle. And so is happiness.

Marianne Williamson makes a genius point in her reference to A Course In Miracles by saying; "Love is what we we're born with. Fear is what we learned here."

Love, let it be and be happy. Life is short.