I got away from my blog for a few months because I've been working on a film for the past year and a half. I just finished directing, producing and starring in my first original short film. I spent over a year writing the feature and then adapted it into a short-trailer. I had the time of my life writing this story and taking so many leaps of faith - meeting so many new and wonderfully talented people. And now I'm excited to be onto the next step forward as a film maker, as a human being, and I'm grateful for the journey it's been thus far, and for the journey it will be. Words do not even begin to really describe how I feel about my life.
Although, there is one word that can describe this feeling, this experience and every experience on that note. And that word is Trust.
To release the urge to contend with life as it is, is to trust. To resist that urge and simply allow rather than refuse is to trust. By opposing what is or what potentially will be, could be, might be, should be, we become contrary to everything - love, peace, understanding, acceptance, new beginnings. You name it. But by allowing life events to unfold as they do in accordance to something greater than our self, without kicking and screaming, we start to make great use of what we've got, rather than not. And what we've got is the power to press on and reclaim our life, our hope and our vitality. We become acquainted with the truth at this given point, and the truth is: It is as what it is. So, let it be. You're not as almighty as you think you are. You are very powerful, but there is still something more divine than the clever chaos stirring in that mind of yours, motivating your every move. What's meant to be will be. And having a sense of trust in something fantastic is helpful. It's a shoulder to lean on. It might even be your own shoulder, but when our trust does set in, it sets on our hearts and it glows like the sun dazzling on an autumn eve. It's magnificent.
And whether you're investing your certitude in God, or energy, or affirmations, or love, or just yourself alone, or all the above, or just a few, trusting that bigger reign gives that bigger reign something to work with - some wiggle room per say. It's like saying; "Okay, I'm ready for you!". Without hope and confidence, divine intervention cannot intervene nor can it thrive. Personally, I think our spirit or our higher self, or our God, needs us just as much as we need it, so making room for "the intervention" is the key. It's also my religion. Everything else is merely commentary.
It's not an easy way in either, nor is it an easy way out because once you're in there is no "out". But you have to break in like a thief in the night. You have to kick in the door and bust open the window to your soul. You have to rob yourself blind of all hope and all presumed identities until all you can see is YOU. Stripped down naked. Empty. Broken. Open. Hopeless and compelled. Now you're in.
But you have to break down before you breakthrough. I heard Gabrielle Bernstein say that. And this is where our humility kicks in...and it kicks hard. But before it kicks (us right in the ass), we kick and we scream and we cry, and then we pray, or we don't pray. Then we try to fix everything our self. We think we can change everything by changing everyone. Then that doesn't work. So, cue the break down. And be it nervous or emotional, or psycho, it can break us all the way down. And for some of us this is the point of no return. We thought we were the master of our destiny, and we are in a way. So, why the shitty fate? Why the no return policy? Because the breakthrough is still to come.
You see...destiny is forever just like diamonds. Our fate, on the other hand is provisional. It can twist and turn. It can flip us upside down and chew us up and spit us out. Fate can spin us around in circles. And round and round we go as history repeats itself as it does so well. But fate, no matter how grim, is also our skipper. She's our sea captain in a cosmic ocean of breakthroughs and revelations. She gets us back home where the heart. Where we're whole and happy.
After the break down.
Then we become the master of our destiny, indeed. I do believe in this vast concept, but this vast concept comes with a paradox or two, and they're alive and well. Break down. Break through. Break free! By allowing. Because it is what it is dammit! And it can suck major ass. So, deal with it...peacefully. Or don't and be unhappy.
I can't change what's beyond my control. Those are words I force feed myself when I've lost all my precious control. I can't force it. I can't chase it. I can't beg it. I can't fight it. I can't convince it to understand me. I can't hit it. But! I can let it go...or maybe I'll just let it be.
Let it be. Let it be. Let it be...let it be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be. Let it be.
These three words + you = happiness. Cue the breakthrough.
Happiness is not overrated either. I don't care what they say, but it is a slippery lil sucker. Cue the escargot. Ha! Pretty Woman humor. Happiness is tricky! I've said this before, and though not an idea nor a true emotion, not if you ask me, happiness is a perceived, gustatory sensation in the mind and body. I'm no doctor, but I do know that emotions pass like scenery when cruising down a highway at rapid speeds. They come and go. They're high, they're low. Emotions are assholes. Happiness is not an asshole, and it's not designed to touch and go like a flighty jerk. Happiness isn't fly by the wind. Though it can be spontaneous, it's reliable. It's not ephemeral. It's everlasting.
But it's tricky! But it's not a trickster by any means. It's a saint, and not the Catholic kind. Unless they were happy. Who am I to judge a catholic saint? I'm just saying, when you're delighted to be alive and a smile paints your face like a crazy Picasso while your heart sings a song that makes you want to dance, you are a saint too. With or without the rosary. All you really need is you to evolve in such a way.
And once you've got the whole "happy" thing figured out, you can take life by the balls because there's no fooling you. No person or circumstance can take your joy from you because you know too much. You know that cheerfulness and peace of mind haven't got a seat to sit on in a room where all of your emotions have gathered the way people do at a conference or a concert, or a baseball game. It's an emotional conference and it's always a game. Our emotions love games, there's no denying that. It's an ear-splitting concert where we've jammed earplugs into our ears and there's only one encore, maybe two if we beg for it. Then away you go. Back to your car. Back to your exhaustion. Back to your over-thinking, analyzing, planning, worrying, laughing, worrying, planning, drinking, moving too fast, moving too slow. It's a soap opera. It's Dr. Phil.
It's a bottle of wine.
Happiness on the other hand, isn't. It's not a show or an emotional whim, nor is it a buzz from a nice Cabernet. It's not obsession over anything. It's relaxation over nothing. It's simple. It needs nothing but you. Happiness is steady when achieved without force, and it can last forever. It's hard to believe, even for me, but this is a realization I've come to at this point in my funky life, and unhappiness has been my funky muse. Unhappiness is a douche but she makes for a great teacher. Unhappiness is like that hot school teacher who strips at night. Useful and yet so unfulfilled.
I think you have to be unhappy for long enough before you fully understand the power of pleasure and optimism. Now I'm not condoning misery, nor am I disregarding it. It's a part of life at some point for everyone. It's an emotion. It's an experience. It changes our life for the better or for the worse. It makes room for our fate to kick us in the face. But like I said earlier, fate can lead us to our destiny. After it kicks us in the face, we can reclaim our happiness despite how we feel because happiness is a mind set that defies our emotions and creates a shift in our consciousness, and in our life when we let it. When we allow it.
Happiness is a song, and that song is called..."Let it Be". Pure joy might even be our truest six sense, or our seventh sense. Either or.
I thought this thought while in the bathroom this morning: If it sparks in your heart, act on that instinct. The heart craves happiness, so happy you will be. But if it starts in your mind, resist the urge to over think it. Let it settle. Maybe re-consider. Adjust and start to trust by asking your heart a question or two, or forty. She's not as crazy as they say she is. The heart is instinctive. The mind is impulsive, but a change of mind is genius and a new perspective...well that's a miracle. And so is happiness.
Marianne Williamson makes a genius point in her reference to A Course In Miracles by saying; "Love is what we we're born with. Fear is what we learned here."
Love, let it be and be happy. Life is short.
C.S. Lewis said something like that. It's indispensable, earth shattering advice. I also think it's a prescription for our well being, especially for those who are extremely sensitive like myself. I can be sensitive to a fault - insecurity kicks in and I'm totally defeated. Pause. Rewind. That didn't work. Start over. Not to say that 'sensitivity' is a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing, but being easily affected by everything and/or everyone has its repercussions. Regret is one of them. Anger is another. So, balance and a sense of self and self worth are significant. Confidence is the word. Compassion is the other word, and so is 'Patience'. (Which I need more of) Once you have those things, you can focus on others and think of yourself...less. Step out of your shoes and step into their shoes. Or, don't wear any shoes. Says the yogi. Just breath. Just be. And smile cause you're still alive. And that's good enough, when you really think about it.