tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72299489183065134862024-03-05T13:28:14.657-08:00Anne-Marie EvansBetter Home, Better Living & Regarding EverythingUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-82230676653165626852024-01-05T19:46:00.000-08:002024-01-05T19:46:25.256-08:00His words<p><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7W8o0JlObtWSmz20VylbqeuamcoigZbgY0tHdCG9aElIa9Irqmn6XV172vSWPzMVs-KBG1e-RsM-uudYDAYp0zcJd7BtPcb9lMktGrPY8w5cL3p8fUIEM1ZBPFos2qJWeb4N7oAKUuoZRusX9LV6BYUt-8SBjmrq0rzCmgc0loSdixLKwKfocsRA-ciiO/s1080/tumblr_owqv3g5kAv1w7iw3uo1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7W8o0JlObtWSmz20VylbqeuamcoigZbgY0tHdCG9aElIa9Irqmn6XV172vSWPzMVs-KBG1e-RsM-uudYDAYp0zcJd7BtPcb9lMktGrPY8w5cL3p8fUIEM1ZBPFos2qJWeb4N7oAKUuoZRusX9LV6BYUt-8SBjmrq0rzCmgc0loSdixLKwKfocsRA-ciiO/s320/tumblr_owqv3g5kAv1w7iw3uo1_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let go of people who are not ready to love you.</span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having difficult conversations with people who don't want to change. </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stop showing up for people who are not interested in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything possible to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it's an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health. </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you </span><a style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #385898; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;" tabindex="-1"></a><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place. It doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren't ready to be with you.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Truth is you ain't for everybody and everybody ain't for you.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is what makes it so special when you do find people whom you have friendship with or mutual love. You will know how precious it is because you have experienced what it is not.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are billions of people on this planet and many of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing sustaining it was the energy you only gave to keep it.</span></p><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial;">That's not love, that's attachment. It's giving a chance to those who don't deserve it. You deserve so much more.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, as both are limited.The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence. When you realize this, you start to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don't suit you and shouldn't be near you. You will start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Make your life a safe haven, where only people "compatible" with you are allowed. You are not responsible for saving anyone. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">You are not responsible for convincing them to do better.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">It's not your job to exist for people and give them your life. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">You deserve real friendships, true commitments and a complete love with healthy and prosperous people. The decision to distance yourself from toxic people will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve. "</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial;">~Anthony Hopkin</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-75284440087843299492023-04-26T16:39:00.005-07:002023-04-26T16:41:30.124-07:00the show<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisCfDWBmKIG3K9j2JiV6B03ZCk0KTy-UltPkf0HBgNdqTaF8rep_ZHULmN-hemy8MADKwm-WISShBhrW3yOlh6A7mIseAJAKNkabIM4Ann_NZ2RT45coarkwg3-7R08YgDueMbObnIKB5btMYNN0V9MMIBOSK-ibR2jj7y36cT7Uas8xAWKD3H_tYrLA/s275/images.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisCfDWBmKIG3K9j2JiV6B03ZCk0KTy-UltPkf0HBgNdqTaF8rep_ZHULmN-hemy8MADKwm-WISShBhrW3yOlh6A7mIseAJAKNkabIM4Ann_NZ2RT45coarkwg3-7R08YgDueMbObnIKB5btMYNN0V9MMIBOSK-ibR2jj7y36cT7Uas8xAWKD3H_tYrLA/w400-h266/images.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="78f4j-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="78f4j-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="78f4j-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;">We're not big and we're not small because who we are can't be measured or compared, not with anyone or anything or any other life out there. We don't have edges, we're not a cliff off a canyon. We don't have sides, we're not a box. We don't have walls. And anyone who tries to climb over yours has surely lost their way because there is no wall to climb. There is just... you. Sad you. Happy you. Hurt you. Brave you. Honest you. Broken you. Angry you. Lonely you. Enthralled you. Fantastic... you.</span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="6g3mb-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="6g3mb-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="6g3mb-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br data-text="true" /></span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="9ep2t-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9ep2t-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="9ep2t-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;">You're not an object, and though you may feel objectified and on edge, boxed into a life you didn't want, you're actually a platform. You were built by the mercy of your own will to carry on, to keep dancing - to keep smiling because darling, this is theatre!!! And all life is a stage and you're on it. You decide if the show must go on. And the show must go on.</span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="6i40q-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="6i40q-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="6i40q-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br data-text="true" /></span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="4s3as-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="4s3as-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="4s3as-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;">We don't choose this life, you see. It chooses us like a stylist chooses our dress, our costume. Nobody asked to be born into this madness. It just happened. But one day, when the show is over and the madness is done clapping and your actor friends are suddenly gone, you'll choose a different life. A better life. </span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="8eump-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8eump-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="8eump-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br data-text="true" /></span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="9lt1l-0-0"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9lt1l-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="9lt1l-0-0"><span><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-family: arial; white-space: pre-wrap;">The life that chose you will follow your lead.</span></span></span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="5bnh3-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5bnh3-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="5bnh3-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br data-text="true" /></span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="659c3" data-offset-key="89ahb-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="89ahb-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="89ahb-0-0"><span style="font-family: arial;">P.S. You can't be measured because you're actually bigger than life, when the show's over. </span></span></div></div><p><br /></p><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-11117807694006613592022-05-29T22:30:00.010-07:002022-05-29T22:31:57.307-07:00you can <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEh1oI-jV7hWYJp6P5JtGr4sAClmqCmwJy-gKULPYhLc7u_MbCi84uCxwv1CV-fGgh7BEGrZ_OGB9whvjxWFzHAMLHiwf4CE9y0sxVcIpGydBny-twHkW-uemZhpmFknNl7ist5RNvD8Lv899XACpclFFrZC4_DABHcQ0I5n-8e9ol8gRGwN4c_YD5Dg/s225/images.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEh1oI-jV7hWYJp6P5JtGr4sAClmqCmwJy-gKULPYhLc7u_MbCi84uCxwv1CV-fGgh7BEGrZ_OGB9whvjxWFzHAMLHiwf4CE9y0sxVcIpGydBny-twHkW-uemZhpmFknNl7ist5RNvD8Lv899XACpclFFrZC4_DABHcQ0I5n-8e9ol8gRGwN4c_YD5Dg/s16000/images.png" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">Letting go... It's not just something we do with our stuff, it's a way of life. It's a balancing act. Oh but it's not act. It's a choice. A daily one. </span></div></div><p style="text-align: justify;">I coach people through the process of "purging". I've been told that just my presence alone has helped these individuals finally make a choice. Keep. Don't Keep. Shred. Donate. TRASH. And oh how liberating the trash CAN, can be. Even the word encompasses self empowerment. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">You <b>can </b>throw out what isn't working for you anymore. The thing is, we don't think we can and understanding this folly is the our first step toward change. Changing our minds, to be more exacting. Our mind is the problem. Did you know that? Well, it is. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">One of my favorite quotes is; <i>"If you think you can, you can."</i> ~Meryl Streep. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">It worked for her didn't it? She must have thought eons ago; <i>I can be an actress. I can be a very successful one too!</i> And viola! Oh but it's not that easy. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Meryl Streep was turned down for a role in King Kong and was actually told by the casting director that she wasn't pretty enough. <i>"You're not pretty enough." </i>someone once said to MERYL STREEP. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Flash forward, three Oscars later, I don't think she cares. I don't think she ever did. Not enough to stop her. And that's my message to you. Don't give into those thoughts (pretend they're sociopathic casting directors in your head) telling you that you're not worthy of a home - of space. Of love and comfort. Success. Structure. Balance. Beauty. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">You are. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Letting go starts in your mind. If you think you can let it go, you can. If you think you can't, then change your mind. You can do anything. You are that capable. You are that worthy. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Just give yourself time. Time is all we have. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy. It just means you're willing to see how it goes, with time. Life is weird enough as it is, we don't need to put unreasonable pressure on our self. We do need to put a plan together though, or just create some options for reducing the chaos. Self help books work wonders. Positive self talk. Good surroundings. Youtube. Meryl Streep movies. ME. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Life is chaotic. We need a plan for action because we<b> don't need to feel any that non-sense in our home.</b> Home is where the heart is and the heart is where <i>you</i> are. Keep it simple. Un-complicate the complicated by making a choice each day to face your shit. Because why? Because it'll be less shit you have to face tomorrow. And less in MORE. It's more wonderful. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Just LET GO. Clutter is not just stuff. Clutter can be emotional. It can be trauma caused by people. It can be a relationship where someone is filling a space you don't have room for anymore. It's someone you've outgrown because they're not developing with you - meeting your needs, thriving with you somewhere in the middle. This takes from you your self worth and your time. You energy. <b>Your life</b>. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Take it back because... you can. </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-51688596442767518102022-03-26T12:03:00.005-07:002022-05-23T23:04:01.634-07:00Color. <p><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: #212121; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3BMHeHuEeaUodePmJbKW3r0aLYOB9vupSuPb7lbe2HLTwUiR59ctCxGzgfszQgOBPM0C79vlfl69BN4wiL8rcHSfpVUySCgp-qsWPrUyDBaE96CTAAatEEpHoHppzOF239aRXr4NMFP1PplBUWX2sgBNvxmbd7l58AoorCgkq3LkRQVkHlmZsD4zQA/s1920/8a513ab55709eeeda52a46076a8ed14b.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1920" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3BMHeHuEeaUodePmJbKW3r0aLYOB9vupSuPb7lbe2HLTwUiR59ctCxGzgfszQgOBPM0C79vlfl69BN4wiL8rcHSfpVUySCgp-qsWPrUyDBaE96CTAAatEEpHoHppzOF239aRXr4NMFP1PplBUWX2sgBNvxmbd7l58AoorCgkq3LkRQVkHlmZsD4zQA/s320/8a513ab55709eeeda52a46076a8ed14b.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: red;">C</span><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: #2b00fe;">o</span><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: #ff00fe;">l</span><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: #38761d;">o</span><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: #800180;">r</span></span></b><span face=""Open Sans", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); color: #212121;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></b> </span><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33); font-family: arial;">There's a freedom about it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(33, 33, 33);">Room color psychology is an integral part of your daily life, affecting your moods and energy levels with just the room color you choose for your walls. The colors of the rooms in your home also serve as a direct reflection of your personality. The people who live in a home make it beautiful by choosing colors that reflect their preferences and personalities. Color has the power to change the shape and size of furnishings, as well as the shape and size of the room itself."</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(84, 84, 84); letter-spacing: 0.8600000143051147px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">By Lena Borrelli</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>And color isn't just something we add to our home, it's an </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">essential</span><span> element that we add to our life once we break the barriers of everything being<i> black and white</i>. We all possess within ourselves our special vibrance and the more we discover our own gifts and survival skills, the more colorful we become. I'm using color as a code word for free. Freedom. Notice when you paint a wall or a canvas or a piece of furniture, there's a freedom about it. An ease. Even a calmness. Paint something white and well, there's a boredom to it. Maybe I speak for myself alone but I doubt it. COLOR is what makes life fun. It's what make YOU fun. See it. Be it. Use it. </span></span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: arial;">Nothing is in black and white and when we think something is, I bet you a hundred bucks you're mistaken and you might even find yourself amid an argument with someone. At least I do. Seeing anything in black and white is seeing everything through the lenses of judgment and narrow mindedness. Try me. Take any topic and make it cut and dry - black and white. I bet if you do this you'll find a critic... in yourself. </span></span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: arial;">Throw some color at that critic and calm down! Life is a journey not an ego booster. </span></span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm Anne-Marie Evans and I'm your Girl Next Door Home Expert. I'm also a writer formerly known as a film maker and musician, and because I'm an artist with no end in sight, HOME is what keeps me grounded. No artist ever did well without a place to call home. At least I refuse to believe so. </span></span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: arial;">And home doesn't have to be a beautifully designed 2 bedroom, three bath. Home can be that place within you that you truly... understand. The more we accept ourselves for who we are and what we've done (mistakes don't define you), the more we ourselves can be a home... to ourselves. There's a relief in knowing that we can be comfortable in our our skin. No matter what we look like. No matter who we love. No matter how we think. </span></span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: arial;">There's a solace in being YOURSELF. And that's the actual home you grow up in. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span>Everything else is just life. Your house is where you put your stuff, so keep it organized. Keep it simple because clutter doesn't just swallow the space in your dwelling and regurgitate back to you total disarray. </span></span><i>"Where's my phone? Where's my keys!" Oh my god this closet is going to be the end of me!" </i><span><span>Clutter congests our mind and spirit. A lot of people can't even think straight in their house because of endless clutter. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Throw some color on that clutter!</b><span> It's doesn't have to be black and white. It doesn't have to be there and you don't have to feel overwhelmed. You can feel motivated instead, and even excited. Shift your perspective and change your life. Literally. </span></span></p><p><span><span style="font-family: arial;">As for me. I'm here to coach you through that. And I'm here to do the dirty work because hey, I also love to clean! </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I Never knew "home" growing up. I moved every year and missed out on stability and familiarity. So, one of my favorite things in life is... home. Not just mine, but yours. It's my mission to not only keep your home clean, but to make a HOME a better place. It truly is where the heart is. And, my heart is where the home is. </span></p><p class="css-1kpqait" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 20px; margin-block: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;"></p><p class="css-1kpqait" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 20px; margin-block: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm a Home Interior Improvement Specialist and I've been cleaning and re-designing homes for the past 15 years. I take great pride in my detail oriented work and my level of expertise with all things interior improvement won't leave you disappointed. I can take a stain out of anything and the stress out of everything. I look forward to making you happy, in your home. Improved. </span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-3891022688115031272021-03-30T23:02:00.003-07:002021-03-30T23:05:50.883-07:00Burn<p><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4umhIgHf_CKveslr-tZcnXlPWA4Fm58WGKvdviEgEy0_LZXEPN1iTYjEH6zuBGs0NXaZ29foyo-H5nGrfs_TbjsWezUVCrg7t03zW3sRbpDJN740CteE6z7EkTy_GhTgHFNH2iGQEPStX/s1280/maxresdefault.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4umhIgHf_CKveslr-tZcnXlPWA4Fm58WGKvdviEgEy0_LZXEPN1iTYjEH6zuBGs0NXaZ29foyo-H5nGrfs_TbjsWezUVCrg7t03zW3sRbpDJN740CteE6z7EkTy_GhTgHFNH2iGQEPStX/w448-h252/maxresdefault.jpg" width="448" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Them: Don’t burn bridges.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"> </span></p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Me: I’ll blow a muthafuckin bridge up. And the flames will light the way...</p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I deal with more let downs than I can count on one hundred and fifty hands. Lifetimes of let downs - as a creative, as a dreamer. As person. And yes, I’ve become more and more vocal because of it. And that’s pretty damn vocal considering I was born vocal. But, because I was silenced as a child (told to “shut the fuck up” every time I used my voice to speak my mind) my voice as a woman, is well, really loud. This doesn’t mean I’m screaming at everyone. It just means I’m not afraid to be myself and speak my mind. I’ll say the things most people will only think to themselves and I have no shame. For anyone who thinks I’m inferior to them be it personal or in my career fields (also personal), my torch is lit. I am important. I am inferior to no one. And neither are you. And yes, this spawns from a recent let down. </p><p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Though, the smoke has cleared. 💅🏽</p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">And the funny thing is, it’s been the really famous people, Oscar winners and shit, who have been the most humble and friendly toward me with regard to my work as a writer and just as a human being. </p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Not Influencers. Not D listers. Not people who compete with me. </p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">MEGA SUPER STARS have been the kindest to me and I believe they got to where they are because they’re real. They’re humble. I told Charlize Theron what a phenomenal actor I think she is and she blushed. Little ol’ me made Charlize Theron blush. </p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I felt important. I think we should always make people feel important. We all start as nobody’s before we’re somebody’s. But if we can always make people feel like somebody, we’ll never think we’re nobody. </p>
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<p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Keep it real and be your own kind of super star. ⭐️</p>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I just realized I've been away for over a year, and for nearly a year I've been back in Los Angeles...living and working harder than I've ever worked in my wildest days. I wrote a tv show about my life ... and some big things are happening right now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I just wanted to share something very personal... about myself. Per usual, but this time I'm taking you and myself back to where it all began - to the day I died so that the hero in me... <i>could be conceived</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I went to 17 schools as a kid, and that’s not counting community college. I failed the first grade because I was unable to focus past the gnarly curveballs that life had already started throwing at me. I sat alone at the lunch table in 5th grade every single day while resisting a strong urge to cry just long enough to get home, where I could sob in the privacy of my own bedroom, where I spent most of my time writing to escape the loneliness that was my actual life. In 9th grade, I sat outside with a paraplegic girl named Bianca. She was my only friend at lunch. In my senior year, I either sat with foreign exchange students during lunch, because I thought they were the only interesting people in school, or I sat in my car. Sometimes I just drove off. I was never the popular girl. I was the very unpopular girl who only a few (super rad) people acknowledged, in twelve years. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I basically had no one because I was so transient. My life was unstable from the day I was born, and in a way, I felt like I was born over and over again because big parts of me were dying - the parts of me that needed validation, approval, attention, recognition... a mother, a father. What I didn’t know then, is that I was actually becoming my own (unsung) hero. I was looking up to... myself. I didn’t even realize it at the time but... I was all I had... and for that, I wouldn’t change a thing. My dream was born because parts of me died. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am my own hero. Hopefully you are yours. <img alt="💛" class="CToWUd" data-goomoji="1f49b" data-image-whitelisted="" goomoji="1f49b" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49b" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-525434508407069312018-06-19T18:17:00.001-07:002018-06-19T19:11:27.141-07:00a wonderful kind of nothing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJXZPvv5O5aAK5imfvZ65-rXmFr4AVtOl-kGB_QHa100thzrsDjAFa5-wuIBmXIjtTAogI9dX4wSQiZhHDO3885RyKE0N7qdDo0on0q-O4joQ9zf6CHT3mVV3A8eE_0KbLgP8-rZFSltgP/s1600/117b30de65647668b8fb5cdf9234cc35.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJXZPvv5O5aAK5imfvZ65-rXmFr4AVtOl-kGB_QHa100thzrsDjAFa5-wuIBmXIjtTAogI9dX4wSQiZhHDO3885RyKE0N7qdDo0on0q-O4joQ9zf6CHT3mVV3A8eE_0KbLgP8-rZFSltgP/s400/117b30de65647668b8fb5cdf9234cc35.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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This is a meme I came across recently, which for a brief moment flung me into a state of total euphoric peace, which feels a lot like... <u>nothing</u> actually, even after being "flung", and I have to be flung into peace. No joke. Could partially be the Gemini in me, but I need more than a gentle push or a light shove, or a mediation video, or a great chill your tits book or a meme. I need fulfillment. Peace is the end goal and as screwy as that might sound (in my own head) it sounds more honest than claiming it to be any other way - to be content, settled. I'm not. I never have been. I wouldn't be an artist if I was. But, I feel like we're taught or we're wired to think we have to be all these things and we have to do it with a sense of urgency and obligation. On the daily too, especially when things get hard. Calm down. Someone says to me. Relax. No. I'd rather write. Or paint... create something, anything. Art needs chaos, not a nap. Not contentment. I wrote my best songs when I was sad. I wrote my best stories when I was broken. Still do...<br />
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All my life, all I've ever wanted is success in the utmost extraordinary, creative ways - ways I have yet to fully inhibit or even discover. To be at peace would contradict the process of elimination that I wield daily in this monotonous, yet stimulating evolution I call understanding who and what I am <b>not</b>. It's the only way I'll ever know who and what I am. I'm still learning. I've got a hundred years, if I'm super lucky. What's the rush, right?<br />
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Or, maybe there is a rush... something rushing through me. I do know I have nothing to lose and that I must of swallowed my pride in a past life. It has it's pros and cons.<br />
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But back to that quote and the "euphoric peace" I was flung into like a maniac. I felt a wonderful kind of nothing... if there is such a thing, which I think there is because nothing is something. And...<br />
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<i>"Trust me, I' know what I'm doing"</i> says the one and only universe. Or is it? It's a very powerful and yet very forgettable quote. I tapped that heart. But there's just so many posts and so little time, so maybe that "euphoric peace" I felt was really just me <i>getting it...</i> for once, for twice, for the millionth time. Remembering it. Trusting it. Believing it. Then forgetting it because I logged off Instagram and started worrying about everything. #forgettable Because most things are until you come across that something that isn't. It resonates. It stays with you. It's usually not a meme either. It's not a quote. It's not a video. It's something else... it's someone... like myself.<br />
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And it's coincidental.<br />
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Then I remember: The universe knows what she's doing. Yes, she's a she because she's brilliant and puzzling and strange and unclear and mysterious and cryptic and vocal and silent. So many things I've asked for, yet so little retort. Unanswered prayers. Unanswered everything. And yet, she know's what she's doing. She has a mind of her own. And I can't read it. I've tried. The wonderful kind of nothing she gives you when you want it is... spell bounding. Breath taking. She makes you work... for your dreams... for your truth... for your purpose... for your freedom... for your sanity until you question it. Totally and completely. She'll make you question everything. Then she'll cleverly guide you to your someone who will question everything with you. And love you... And that wonderful kind of nothing, becomes... something.<br />
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Then everything. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-16805651333470917542017-08-30T11:58:00.001-07:002017-08-30T12:02:27.531-07:00Mother NatureI just realized I've been away for several months. I'm producing a short film here in Denver, so I've been a bit distracted but in the most wonderful way. But, today I felt the urge to hop on here and say something. I vicariously live through a character in a series I'm writing right now. Her name is Jade and she's me. She's who I used to be and who I want to be. The only difference, she's won an Academy Award and I have not. So, you can only imagine how much I admire Jade. ;)<br />
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Any who. A lot of thoughts and chatter stir my mental soup these days, especially as a screenwriter. Everything I hear, everything I say... it can all be used <i>differently. </i>I can use it as great dialogue. <b>Fearlessly</b>. The conversations I have with myself and with other people are what inspire me the most and this is the beauty of character writing. It's truly a wonderful exercise for <i>releasing -</i> to vent through someone else, someone you invented, someone you didn't invent rather you just changed their name. My God! What a brilliant concept! Everyone should write at least one screenplay before they die. Seriously. Do it. Its' mega therapy.<br />
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But, getting more on topic...What I wanted to discuss is this: A tragic storm by the name of Harvie, also my Beta fish's name, just blew through Houston, which is my hometown. And another colossal storm just blew through India. These places are underwater and people need help, our help, any help. It's heart-rending, it's scary... and it's <b>loud</b>. It's very loud. What does that mean exactly? It's loud? It means I think this planet has spiraled out of control and Mother nature is angry, and God bless those who have fallen victim to her fury. I think we need to take a serious moment to reflect on this and dig deeper int our hearts and minds. There's an undisclosed meaning in the wake of just about everything, if you really think about it. Something always equals something bigger, even if it's tiny. The small things add up and become the big things. Yada yada.<br />
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I think what Mother Nature is trying to say is this, and I will do my best to channel what I think would be her voice... if she could speak using the English language:<br />
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<i>I'm angry because this world is insane. The Earth is on fire, and though we do need that light and that flame to carry us and show us the way, we're burning everything down to the fucking ground. We're burning each other down (aka) bringing each other down and we're destroying the earth, each other, our animals, our children, our beliefs, our values, our rights and I could go on and on... Ashes to ashes, but ashes can't be used to light the spark that sets our hearts on fire, and we need that fire. It's a paradox, but so is the truth. We need the heat and we need the light in order to tread an honest path, but we can't just burn everything down to the ground. We can't just launch nuclear missiles, ban people who are different, hate people, hurt people, kill people. We've taken our fire and burned all the bridges that connect us to... each other. We do this by judging, blaming, disparaging, loathing, killing... We have angry world leaders and a human species beyond recognition due to an evil force so vile it can hardly be reckoned with. It must stop. -Mother Nature </i><br />
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The world is quite gross when you think about it. Actually you don't even have to think about. All you've have to do is scroll through Facebook and Instagram feeds. You'll see it even if you didn't want to see it. You'll see some animal being tortured, a starving child, a poacher. You'll see it all and you'll probably cry or cringe, or just feel like shit for twenty minutes because the Earth is burning to the ground and money makes it go around. Insert Jewel song:<br />
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<i>People living their lives for you on t.v.</i><br />
<i>They say they're better than you and you agree</i><br />
<i>He says "Hold my calls from behind those cold brick walls"</i><br />
<i>Says "Come here boys, there ain't nothing for free</i><br />
<i>Another doctor's bill, a lawyer's bill</i><br />
<i>Another cute cheap thrill </i><br />
<i>You know you love him if you put him in your will </i><br />
<i>But, <b>who will save you soul</b>... </i><br />
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It won't be Mother Nature because she's pissed. All the chaos in this world -- the hustlers, the liars, the thieves, the killers. She's lost her mind too, and her roaring weather can't be tamed. But like you and me, she can be happier and we can help make the world a better place. We can serve our Mother Nature rather than infuriate her by lighting our own torch and helping others to find their way. In a universe built upon dirt and ash, we can still light our own match and we can use our own light to guide ourselves back onto a path of love and simple, human decency.<br />
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Because Mother Nature has once again poured her ocean of hurt over cities that are now in need of ample love and support. She's a collective force pleading with us. Begging us. Asking us to <b>love each other</b>, especially now. It's as if she's forcing us to. How interesting. I do believe this is God's world, not ours. I am not without a God, thank God. I do believe He is the father who art in Heaven, whatever that is, and she is the Mother who art here on Earth... with us. So, let's stop pissing her off.<br />
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Lets make love make the world go round.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-62447293300521721022017-05-17T13:37:00.003-07:002017-05-17T14:16:39.688-07:00who you are<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Change is real but it doesn't have to mean you change who you are. It means you change.. <b>the way you are</b>. And the way you are is <b>the way you've become</b>. What's the difference?<br />
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There's a big difference.<br />
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<b>Who you are</b> is who you were born to be. It's your animus - your dispositions and intentions. It's your spirit-self. The one that says: <i>hey, be an artist! Or hey, go save lives in the Middle East!</i> <i>Or hey go do some scary shit that will make your journey so breath taking you won't know where you began.</i> And all that changes with time because change is real and being a glorified soul whether you paint or save lives can be a real struggle, and a lot of people don't survive the fray of being duty bound in constant creation mode. Because to be a prodigy is to be a survivor of your own fear and doubts and those inflicted. Ergo, we adjust our perspectives thus changing our dispositions and intentions - our views. <i>I don't want to save the world, </i>we tell ourselves<i>. My art doesn't matter. Nobody cares. Blah blah blah. </i>Our policies and standards all change, with time. Some for the better, some for the worse. Some for the worse and hardly ever for the better. Cue the alcoholism and/or drugs, or depression, or pure mediocrity and a lack of inspiration. Boredom.<br />
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But even that doesn't change <b>who you are</b> because who you are is who you will <b>always be</b>. Minus the booze. Minus a revolving door that closes more often then it opens. Minus our views and standards. Minus the boredom and the mundane. You've got to subtract the shit that makes you who you think you are first. Like your car for instance. Or your bank account. You might think it makes you who you are, but those things do not define you.<br />
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<b>The way you are</b> is the way you react to people who cut you off while you drive your nice car, or your old ugly car. It's who you are at events. It's the way you react when faced with circumstances, confrontations, hardships etc.... It's the way you carry yourself and speak to an audience. It's the way you are when relaxed, or when you refuse to relax. It's the way you work or don't work. It's the way you think and over think, and then think some more, and then some more. And all of that... <b>can change</b>. Because it's not who you are.<br />
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When I was young, my mother would lecture me in parking lots and on sidewalks. <i>Anne-Marie. Why do you walk with your head down?</i> She would ask me in a tone I didn't prefer. I would stare at the ground when I walked. I had no confidence and well, my mother was.... impetuously brash. Still is. But was it the way I was born? No. It was the way I became. It's the way I started to<b> think</b>. <br />
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<i>No child of mine walks with their head down. Lift your head up. Pull your shoulders back</i>. <b><i>Be confident.</i></b> She would say... on every sidewalk. At every dance rehearsal. It wasn't who I was. I wasn't confident. I was broken. Too much divorce and instability will do that to a child. Confident is what I became, but it took time. After another handful of years surviving my mother's life, I started surviving my own and I did it with <u>confidence</u>. But I don't just survive. I enjoy life too. And that's <b>who I am. </b><br />
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<b>It's not the way I am though</b>. My ways can be quite reckless. But I'm working on <b>changing </b>that to better myself. Because the way I am is OCD as fuck, schedule bound, restless, always in need of creating something, fitness fitness fitness, being something, thinking I'm not anything.... migraines, stressed, happy and excited. Up then down. That's the way I am. It's <b>not who I am</b>.<br />
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I am quite grateful for my mother's sidewalk sermons, now relics. Confidence is a keepsake and it's the reason I even bother being an artist, because without faith in one's self, an artist is nothing more than a crazy person. It's harsh but true. Artists are tortured, in a beautiful way. And I'll admit... I have my crazy person days - those days when I can't get my heart out of my head, and those two fight like a couple on the verge of a nasty ass divorce. My heart and my head rarely get along much less work well together. Why? Because the head (aka) the mind is a thought machine and the heart is not a machine at all. Rather, the heart is ethereal - self sacrificing, dream aligned. Not afraid. And that is <b>who we are </b>and nothing can change that unless, well, you <b>think </b>it can. The key to being who you really are and not who you think you are is knowing how to control your mind, because when you don't how to do that, it does in fact get out of control...and <b>waaaaay</b> out of control. And guess what? You turn into a crazy person! And you didn't even need a paint brush to do it either.<br />
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You see, <b>the way you are </b>is a perspective. It's all in your mind. It's who you think you are. It's how you think you should respond because it's the way you're hard wired and conditioned. You are the way you are because you learned how to be that way. But <b>who you are isn't learned</b>.<br />
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It's understood.<br />
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<b>Who you are </b>is who you'll always be and who you've always been. It's who <b>you</b> <b>know you are</b>, it's not who you think you are. It's not what mom told you to be, or what dad told you not to be.<br />
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It's freedom... from all of those things. Who you are is... <b>free</b>, and that's sacred. This life is sacred because we have no clue when it ends or why it even began. We didn't ask to be here but we are here, just trying to be who we think we should be. <br />
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So, whether you've got confidence or not, remember your <b>freedom</b>. You can be totally, utterly and completely free from who you think you should be and, instead.... <b><span style="color: red;">just be who you are</span></b>.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-81077532159357142862017-01-25T11:19:00.003-08:002017-01-25T11:51:04.573-08:00monster mindI called you a monster this morning and I meant it. So go home monster because you're in my head. You're in my words. You're in my prayers. My pillow turns to stone when you don't leave me alone.<br />
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Today I felt like something divine joined me in my office as I gave myself some down time to reflect. I was looking at the walls pretending the walls were listening. Maybe they do, listen. If only the walls could talk. The decorative fixtures made my eyes move waywardly. The knick knacks, the green and yellow galore. It makes me smile. Then... a transcendent moment of observing with my eyes closed took presence as though it was standing between me and those decorative walls. It felt like an angel blew her breath across my arms. Goosebumps, but for just a brief moment.<br />
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Then my head spins and the spinning is loud like a rusty old marry-go-round on a grassy dune, but the grass needs watering. She spins with the wind, not with a child because she's old and won't be bothered. But she's not old enough. A child's freedom could be a good thing for her nuts and bolts. Make her remember, oh youthful spirit, how to be free the way you are and how to run the way you run. Because a child doesn't run... away. A child runs a different way.<br />
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A sudden breeze inside my head and she squeals. I get a migraine. When she stops twisting in circles making me dizzy again, she runs like a rabbit -- hopping but not too high. Only high enough to irrupt like a volcano. Down pours the obsidian -- the hot lava my temper perspires. She's a bunny. She's a volcano. She's whatever I want her to be. My mind is my inception, an opening.<br />
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She's my birth. I can react and die a little or I can react and live a <i>little more</i>...<br />
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She often recoils inciting a marathon and I have to run for miles and miles. Chasing her for days. For years. That crazy rabbit. She won't stop running away. And by the way... <i>Tricks are for kids!</i> But are they though? I'm tricked more than I ever was as a child, running in a mental and emotional contest. Hopping, jumping. This way that way. Not sure about the future. I get tired. Fortunately her shoes are neon colored, making her easy to catch in the dark. And when I don't catch her I wonder who I am. When my own mind has forsaken me in her neon colored shoes, who do I become?<br />
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I become who I really am.<br />
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So, then what stands between us? A prayer. A plead. <i>Please Monster... go home! </i>She's a rabbit. She's a volcano. She's a runner in neon shoes. She's a monster. Without my monster marbles and reasoning - my wits, thoughts and confusion, I'm unfamiliar... and it's really quiet. And it's a beautiful thing. And I didn't even have to pay someone. But, I'm used to her song. I'm a musician. I'm used to the music. But her orchestra is confused. She's dazed but marvelous. Her symphony is perfect for something dramatic. So, please Monster... go dance! Go sing. Go heal.<br />
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Because music is not music without the dance. <br />
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Just let it go in those neon shoes. Go waltz amongst the ash that your volcanic temper gave life to. You give life to death. Ashes to ashes. Hop away from me now because without you I'm free. Without you I'm still. I'm still waiting for you to return to me. When I send you home I'm peaceful. But I still need you. So please monster. Go home! Come back when you're older. Return to me when I'm younger. Because if we're going to do this thing together... we need to do it better. Forever.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-81174347103752898742016-12-28T11:59:00.001-08:002016-12-28T12:51:33.210-08:00youIf you could go back in time, however long ago - maybe you want to be three again and debt free, mom and dad still together, or maybe you want to be twenty four again so you can dodge that awful romance, the one that stole your faith in love, would you? Would you change everything if you could? Maybe just one thing. Maybe you wished you could go back fifteen years ago just so you could stop yourself from making that decision that flipped your life upside down - turned you inside out with your heart bleeding all over your shirt. Or maybe it was a decision that birthed the boredom that is... your life. Life can be quite boring - adventure less, mundane. And we only have ourselves to blame. That doesn't make you a victim though. It just makes you aware.<br />
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Your life is your creation. That doesn't void God. I believe God is extremely real, but you are the reason for your cans and cants, your yes's and no's. God is the outcome. You can react however you chose to the God-outcome, but if resentment, anger, and/or boredom are any of your emotional reflex's, then I can assure you God is not the reason. I've learned to stop blaming God for my downfalls. God doesn't punish. Though contrary to many religious suspicions, he doesn't. God is love, not punishment and surely not hate.<br />
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It's our life that teaches us how <i>not to</i> hate and how to love. Like God. So, if you were to wake up twenty years ago what would you change? What would you do differently in order to love yourself differently - to love yourself more. Other then change your mood of course, because I'm sure a slight to severe panic would occur if you were to actually wake up twenty years younger and know it. Wait a hot sec... I'm forty, so why am I twenty??! Sounds like a movie to me.<br />
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But, lets just say it happened. We're not watching a movie. You've actually been given a second chance at doing things a little differently, or profoundly differently on that note. Do you go that job you went to twenty years ago, talk to that person you talked to twenty years ago? The one you met in a cooking class or whatever class. Maybe you met in line at a Starbucks. Do you go to that Starbucks, knowing he or she will be there? FYI. This is the person you fell madly in love with, the one you maybe married and divorced in a heart beat. The one that destroyed your assets, your confidence and your family. Maybe you worked with this person at that job you hated. Maybe you're still in love with this person, married happily ever after. I don't know. It's your past.<br />
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So, do you get up and go to work or do you sleep in and say fuck it! That job ruined me. It held me back from doing the things I really wanted to do. I met that asshole at that job and that asshole broke my heart, took my kids. Or that asshole wasn't an asshole at all, maybe that asshole is your sweetheart today. Twenty years and counting. Maybe that job that ruined your life because it was so freaking boring only happened so you'd meet the love of your life. Would you still sleep in and say fuck that boring job, if you could go back and do things differently?<br />
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Maybe you blow off the job and surprise the love of your life at their favorite bar or at their home instead, because you already know where they like to drink and where they live because you've already lived these years. But how do you explain the unexplainable to the love of your life. Who's to say they're on a blast to the past. This is your sacred experience - your chance at changing everything, not theirs. So, he or she doesn't know you yet. Trippy right? So, what do you do? How do you explain to your love that you already know what happens? Because it's already happened. The eventual divorce. The kids. The inability to have kids. The pain. Maybe the death. The love.<br />
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The<i> life</i>.<br />
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So, maybe you do get out of bed and go to that job you hate to meet the one you loved and divorced to have those kids you had, or didn't have - to have that partnership you maybe still have today with your soul mate, your best friend. Maybe you stand in line at that Starbucks knowing you'll meet them there and have your first, unexpected coffee date. You'll laugh together and plan a second date, but to a movie this time and your favorite sushi joint. It's the one date you never forgot about. Maybe you attend that class, the one where you met that person you loved and maybe still love. And maybe, if given the chance to go back in time, you'd do it all over again.... but just the same. Maybe you wouldn't change anything at all. Not even your biggest "mistakes", your deepest heartbreaks.<br />
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Because it was perfect the way it was. It made you.... <i>you</i>. And that's the best thing that ever happened.<br />
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Sat Nam.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-27174818389722952492016-10-17T12:35:00.013-07:002016-10-17T15:52:38.925-07:00happyback<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Bring happy back. Don't worry about sexy because <b>happy is sexy.</b> And though it may feel fleeting at times, and ephemeral, and/or displaced or even gone, happiness is always here and it's always yours to keep, or better yet... <i>manage</i>. If you can't manage your happiness, what can you do?<br />
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Nobody can take it away from you. So, even if you think it's gone, it's not. Happiness doesn't get stolen from us because you can always BRING IT BACK. It doesn't just "run along" and it doesn't just "let go" or back out the way we do when we're... not happy. Happiness doesn't put in a 30 day notice because happiness doesn't leave! It doesn't move out. It moves within. Ergo, it's not a <i>feeling</i> because feelings are unreliable and they come and go. There's no tricks up it's sleeve. There aren't even twelve steps.<br />
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I've said it before and I'll say it again: Happiness is a mind set. So, what's your mind set on? Cause if it's not happiness, than you're probably not happy. That's a no brainer. Often times, I'm not even mentally <i>set </i>on happiness. I set happiness down like a child and pick up a big heavy plate of bullshit instead. So, what I'm learning how to do <b>better</b> is to recognize that loser mind set - that negligence, and that <b>child</b>. Because happiness is what we are when we're children, hopefully. It's young. It's free. It doesn't worry about money or what people think of us. It's not insecure. And happy sure as hell isn't angry.<br />
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But when we're carrying around a big heavy plate of bullshit casserole, and then eating it, things are different. We're full, tired, slow moving, fast moving, angry, overloaded, under everything, depressed, unhealthy, and whatever else you want to add to the menu. It's a big menu with a lot of alcohol to choose from.<br />
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Then we serve that dish to the next hungry person because we've all got the munchies for big plate of non sense. But do my problems really deserve a hungry audience? And does that famished audience really make me <i>happy</i>?<br />
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You see. I think what we do is develop a strong craving for negativity and for the dinner room community it gains us. We serve all our crap on a silver platter and hope for the same in return. Because misery loves company. But there's only so much bullshit casserole we can eat before we feel like puking. And that's what happens. We, at some point, get so fed up with our own chaos that we have no other direction to go but... <i>happy</i>. If! If you chose to get your happy back. It's never too late...<br />
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Because at some point a dietary deficiency kicks in and we're left to think: what in God's name?? Why am I so full of shit? Why do I feel like shit? Why do I complain so much? Why do I lose my temper so easily? Why does everything have to bother me? Why am I such a jerk!?!<br />
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I need to change my mental diet. <br />
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We have to convert that negative mindset, that angry casserole, into energy the way we convert sugar and carbs into energy because we need <i>energy </i>for<i> </i>happiness and we have to <i>give</i> energy to happiness.<br />
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When we do, it isn't a heavy feeling. It's definitely not worry and panic, nor is it an ending. It's a beginning. It isn't the audience who will listen to our unhappy story. It's not a delicious meal we ingest only to regret it later because our jeans got a little bit tighter. It's not a career or a trip to Paris. Those are just sparks - they're moments. They're meals. They're adventures. They're highs and lows. They're stories. They're memories.<br />
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Happiness is more than all of those things because happiness is <b>you</b>. When you bring it back you realize everything else is bullshit. Bullshit casserole.<br />
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So, bring happy back. And be happy. Because <b>you </b>can be.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-76315011049543228352016-08-11T12:42:00.003-07:002016-08-11T15:55:38.651-07:00u-turn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up” </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">~Veronica Roth, <span id="quote_book_link_8306857" style="background-color: transparent;">Divergent</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">It wakes me up everyday.</span><br />
<br style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">And it's not something that comes natural to us. I thought it was. You probably thought it was, or still do think it does, but it doesn't. Fear is not natural. It may be super easy to not trust someone, or, anyone in that matter (if we're real jacked up) because we're afraid they'll hurt us or betray us or dick us over in some fashion. It may even be the plight for most in the world cause it is in fact scary out there. A lot of people have lost their minds. It's easy to be scared but it's also just as easy to store some faith in humanity too, and in ourselves. We just have to remember what it is we unlearn everyday.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We have to make a u-turn. We have to go back to love... and that's the hard part.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The easy part is NOT turning around and going back. It's not being brave and taking those big risks that could change our life for the better. The easy part is sticking to what already works for us even if it's a bad attitude or a mediocre and horrifically boring career because, well, it works for us! Actually it works against us.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">You see, fear is always hungry. It's morbid obese actually and it's favorite main course is our soul, but we forgot because it's just so damn easy to be afraid - of change, failure, success. You name it. You'd think we were born this way, but we weren't.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We just forgot. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Some might say.... </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">What? What do you mean I forgot? I didn't forget anything. I'm not scared! I'm rational. I'm logical. I'm realistic. I'm well advised. My therapist told me not to. I'm rich! I'm poor. Hell, I've even got a 401K dammit! I hate my job, but still! I'm wise! Just look at my car!</i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Oh no you're not wise and wisdom is no place to hide, and neither is your new car, if you're just giving fear little nick names - </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><b>smart</b></i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> being</span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">one in particular that comes to mind. The word </span><u style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">smart</u><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> is more of a pseudonym than it is an adjective and I've had my share of run-in's with this fun little alias. Because I'm smart too! Just like everyone else.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Or, am I?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">There was a time when I thought I was really smart. Smarter than most. Smarter than my parents that's for sure. I thought it was smart to drop out of community college because I wanted to be a rock star. Who needs a degree to write a great song? I didn't, and I wrote a lot of great songs. I'm tooting my own horn because why not? Fast forward to fifteen years later in Los Angeles and I'm dancing on a pole in a black bikini to the Rolling Stones. Stripper shoes in the air, dollars too. It rained twenties on the right nights, and hell if I wasn't gonna be a rock star then I was gonna make money dancing to all they're songs. And I did. Yeah. I said it. I'm writing a TV show about it too because I'm </span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">smart</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">, finally! No shame over here. I worked at Jumbos Clown Room, a dive rock bar with a juke box smack dab in the heart of Hollywood. They're was no taking off of the top. We were burlesque dancers in glittery costumes and skimpy bikinis - boas and hats, canes and whatever else we wanted to throw at people who didn't tip. I wore an old blue jean jacket that said "Rock Star" on the back, how ironic. I would rip it off when the song peeked and then throw it across the stage like a vixen who left her gun at home - standing there mid-stage in only that infamous black bikini and those (did I really end up in these) fishnet stockings. And hooker shoes. Can't forget about the hooker shoes! Grandma would be proud. Mine had black electrical tape holding up the straps. I'm not gonna lie. I looked hot, even with the black electrical tape on my shoes. And God I was exhausted, and miserable. I hated it, every second of it. Surely there's more I could be doing with my life, I thought to myself every second of the day. I wasn't sure how </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">smart</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> I was either after a certain point. This is compromising my spiritual integrity, was my other everyday thought. So why do I keep coming back to it? My other everyday thought.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Am I </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">afraid</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> to do more with myself? Am I afraid to fail? Am I afraid of the unknown? Has this ridiculous job gotten a little too comfortable? </span><br />
<br style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">That's when I started questioning my life more, and FEAR. Fear had me thinking I was smart. And that's when I decided to write a film. That's when I decided to listen to my heart and you know what, she's a real sweetie. I'm sure yours is too. My heart told me to get creative. Then she said it again and again until I fucking got creative. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">And that looked a little like this: Page 1. Scene 1.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I had never written a film before, but my fear taught me how to. My heart took me to the finish line. She informed me that this is a funny chapter in my life. Don't disregard it, she said. You can hate it, but don't hate it too much. My heart said, laugh! It's not... </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">forever. </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">There's a reason for it. GET CREATIVE. And that's when my brain finally shut the fuck up. At last! I could think... </span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">with my heart</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We're not smart until we realize how stupid we are, and we're not free until we realize how incredibly smart we are. Fear is here to teach us that. She's here to wake us up, not shut us down. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We're not born afraid, so don't die afraid. Just make </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">a</span><span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> u-turn</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">Love, </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">AM</span><br />
<br style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-86293088512704982972016-07-13T16:42:00.002-07:002016-07-13T17:56:36.530-07:00timeWe often have to find love in our own little world to find any love at all. And that love is sacred.<br />
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The world is in so much pain. Terror of all sorts is sweeping the Earth with it's broom from hell and I'm left to ask myself: is this <i>hell</i>?<br />
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I don't know what I believe when it comes to the after life. If I die and go to Heaven then that would explain a lot, because this to me, feels a lot like the underworld.<br />
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Call me crazy but I think it could be possible, and maybe if we were having this conversation in person, you'd look at me the way you'd look at someone who is very strange, or possibly invading your space because they're standing too close to you at the check out counter in the grocery store. I've seen it with my own two eyes. I've seen people stand too close to me and I've seen them crinkle their forehead at the thought that this might in fact, be <i>hell. </i><br />
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<i>"No way Jose. I don't agree." -</i>someone listening to me talk, or reading this blog.<br />
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Lets face it. Nobody likes to think... or better yet,<i> wants </i>to think they're in hell. How awful is that?! So, my lone theory doesn't really mesh well with some, and it definitely doesn't fit together with the Bible's spin on things either. But then again, a lot of things don't. So, it's a good thing I don't read the bible. I skimmed through it. Not my thing.<br />
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I'm just saying. Who's to say we didn't all die and go to hell? Just take a hot sec to mediate on all the things that have happened here in the unnerving world we live in. We can easily start with all the fanatical terrorism. That seems to be alive and well. Then there's that little thing called greed and it's uncle Wall Street. There's your everyday liar, rapist and murderer. We've filled our prisons with many. We can even go back to 1346 when the Black Death occurred after a long winded witch hunt in Europe, and that also included a cat hunt because cats were witches too, says those whacky people. Those women were all burned at the stake. The cats were tossed into the fire. Anyway. A lack of cats caused a rat infestation. The rats carried a plague that couldn't be reckoned with and BAM! 100,000,000 deaths in just 4 years. And what would you know, the Christians found a way to blame the Jews for it even though it was a plague which was caused by flees, lots and lots of flees that feasted on the rats that traveled on the merchant ships <i>safely</i> because NO CATS. It had nothing to do with Jews. Then again, neither did Hitler's childhood traumas and insanity. But, the Jews suffered again!<br />
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So, we've got Hitler and the Holocaust. And there was also Stalin who, as well, forced starvation on a large population of innocent people. There were The Crusades, which lasted for 371 years, which to me, is on repeat today. Christians vs. Muslims. Nothin' new there. There's World War 1. World War 11 and every other war before and after that. There was the Great Chinese Famine in 1958 which wiped out 5 million people. There's ongoing sex abuse in the church, on the streets. Human trafficking. World hunger. More famine. Natural disasters. Homophobia. Police shooting black people, a black man killing police. I won't go on. It's starting to piss me off. <br />
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We all know it's terrible and it's got to stop. But will it? Maybe when the cows come home. But we're eating all of the cows, so they're never coming home. I get it. A burger is tasty. Not judging. But even for non-vegetarians. It's vile. We're losing our wild life to cold blooded people with guns and a wall to mount their dead trophy on. Dogs, cats. Torture. It's bad. Google it. No, don't.<br />
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We don't need to be killing our Elephants, or our lions, or every little thing with fur and a heart beat. I mean Jesus! What's with this world??? Elephants have families too, and lions and everything else out there being shot and going extinct. :(<br />
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I'm just saying. Maybe this is hell.. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if it was. But if it isn't, if this is just some in-between juncture for self examination and horror on some random planet in a Milky Way surrounded by far flung galaxies, then by all means, please do the examination.<br />
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Because when we examine ourselves, we can get to the heart of the matter. So...what is the matter?<br />
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We are. Collectively, we are a huge problem and the heart of the matter, and we do in fact MATTER. Because, individually many of you are lovely human beings with gifts to share and love to give. Thank you. But, our world has gone up in flames and the only thing burning inside me now is my compassion for those who have to suffer because of us. The innocent people, the innocent animals.<br />
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So, lets just take a moment to reflect on the hell this species has created here on Earth and then let us remember: even if this is hell or it just feels like it is.. we can make it Heaven. Heaven is what's inside of us when we remember to love those who suffer more than we could ever imagine. Love is a consciousness that could, in fact, change the world. But that will take time, even if the cows never come home. Time will.<br />
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And time is all we have... <i>to love</i>.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-51572688193984518392016-05-11T17:08:00.001-07:002016-05-13T11:49:37.569-07:00Demi<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been away. And now I warmly welcome myself back to my beloved blog. I could never abandon you. This is where I run not to hide, but to reveal myself... to myself. Sometimes I forget who I am. I'm so many things, and yet sometimes I feel like nothing at all. This isn't a sob story either. I actually think to feel "like nothing at all" is liberating, it's relaxing because I try, you try, we all try so hard to be something every day all day. Well most of us do. I see people who don't try at all, but that's another story and they're drunk and sleeping on a sidewalk. We try and try and try until we just say:<br />
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<i>Fuck it!!</i><i> I am who I am! Whoever that is. I'll try to be somebody better tomorrow. I'll try to make more money tomorrow. I'll try to be heard tomorrow! As for now, I'm not doing anything. I'm turning on Netflix. Shut up world! I'm gonna be a couch potato. Or just a potato. Or a strawberry for God's sake! I don't want to feel like anything at all right now!! I just want to be a strawberry.</i> And that's totally cool. Be a strawberry.<br />
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But to be nothing - to be no one... and to really believe it, well that's terrible. It reminds me of a story.<br />
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But first I have to say, I have readers from all over the world and this is pretty awesome. I've discovered all my blog visitors by use of my weekly statistic report and I really couldn't be more delighted to know that there are so many individuals out there returning to my blog page. People in France. People in Denmark. Florida, Saudi Arabia (true story), London, Brazil, Athens, Greece, Argentina, Italy, Moscow, Mexico, Ohio. The list goes on, and for those of you who are return readers, thank you. Seriously. Thank you! It's because of you that I am drawn back to this world regarding everything - commanded back to my literary sanctuary, a place I didn't think anybody cared about but me. But that was years ago. I've learned people do care. In a world where people don't care, they actually do. I give my regards to you and to everything, because everything is something. <b>And everyone is someone.</b><br />
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Now for my story. Everyone is someone.... Demi Moore said that to me. Well, she said it to mother actually, after my mother introduced herself to Demi Moore as "no one". <i>"Hi, I'm no one"</i>, said my mom. Then there was an awkward beat of silence and a handshake. Demi Moore crinkled her forehead and I just looked at my mom the way a mother looks at her child. Role reversal, if you will.<br />
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You poor child, I thought. Get some confidence!<br />
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This was years ago and to this day I'm still thinking back on it. Still crinkling my forehead the way Demi scrunched hers. I mean, how cool for starters. Demi Moore. Really? How? Where? Why? Does she look great? Yes. Then there was Ashton... Kutcher... who also looked great and stopped everything he was doing to give me a kiss before I left. Wait huh?! No way. Omg why? Lucky! .... Calm down. It was a tasteful corner-of-the-mouth, almost the cheek, but not quite the cheek kind of kiss. Still enough to write home about, and still enough to make me think he and Demi were divorce bound, but not enough to write a whole blog about, and not enough to turn me straight. We chatted about Kabbalah. Kiss, kiss. The end.<br />
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That's not the end! What happened?<br />
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We crashed a film premier party at the Sunset Tower Hotel in Hollywood on a chili Saturday night back in 2011. It might of been 2010. I can't keep track of time anymore. I used to bartend at this joint, this opulent, made of money joint. Prince, Jennifer Aniston, J Lo, Penelope Cruz. You name it. They were there. And I was always late to get there, so I got fired. Whoo hoo!! This celebrity hideaway became my wine and dine getaway for years to come, and I didn't have to make anyone a drink or ring in an order of garlic aioli french fries ever again, so I liked it a lot more during those years to come. I'd walk in and people thought I was a famous person. I owned it. I loved it. I couldn't help but soak it in. Isn't that what Hollywood is for? Being an obnoxious, egomaniac on a possible fame trip?<br />
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Yes. For the most part. Absolutely yes.<br />
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So, I've rung that out. I'm like a sponge. I absorb what I need when I need it, then I ring that shit out. I don't care if I'm ever a famous person. Fame does strange things to people. LA has taught me that. I just want to be a happy person. (Cliche I know) (But so true) Writing makes me happy, not being mistaken for Emmy Rossum. That just makes me feel...well, hmmm... not as <i>rich</i> as the real Emmy Rossum I guess.<br />
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Anyways. I diverted. Back to my story.<br />
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We crashed the party after my mom told the big guy with the ear piece that we were guests. Cool! I thought to myself. We're guests! Go mom. And without looking at his <i>guest</i> list, and without really looking at my mom, so after looking at me (swank and chic, maybe Emmy Rossum) well... he believed her. She must be my mom, were his thoughts. I could tell just by looking at him. And I must be somebody...<br />
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Yes. I am somebody. And I don't need security or Demi Moore to tell me that! But I'm glad Demi did, 'cause my mom needed to hear it. And I'll give her credit, she listened. My mother took that wisdom by the throat and then she strangled it after talking about her self published novel for twenty minutes straight. Demi backing off just a little. And there I was, ready to go have a beer with Demi. Demi just needed another beer. She needed another Corona Light, not another pitch from an aspiring film maker/novelist. Her eyes growing heavy. My mother still talking. Demi's stance, unbalanced. She was drunk! Drunk and overly friendly and <i>very</i> inspirational because my mom was somebody now and she believed it because Demi Moore said it straight to her face. She wasn't nobody, she was somebody, somebody with a great divorce story and hey, Demi, you should be in it!! You can play me. Said my mother. Lol. I was bored, yet lost in Demi's face. Reminded of Indecent Proposal. One of my favorite movies. Demi was polite. Maybe too polite. Thank you Corona Light, you are a miracle worker. She told my mother to contact her agent, but didn't give her agent's info to my mother... but maybe she could Google it? Yeah. Google "John".<br />
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Demi to my mother, word for word: "<i>His name is John. Just tell him you met me here." </i> My mom to Demi: <i>"What is this?" </i>Then Demi to me: <i>"You probably know him."</i> And I'm left to think: "<i>Because I'm famous too? And this is a premiere party, mom." (eye roll)</i><br />
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Bless your heart Demi. <i>You</i> are somebody, and not just because Ghost, but because you gave me a wonderful memory.<br />
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And I don't know John, your agent. But thank you for assuming I did... because I'm probably somebody.<br />
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I absolutely am somebody! Everybody is somebody and we all have a story to tell. So go tell yours. Now I need Corona Light.<br />
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Cheers! Kiss kiss.<br />
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<i>"Was that really her?"</i> -My mom. <i>"Yes."</i> -Me.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-39611704253142181842016-02-20T11:12:00.002-08:002016-02-22T09:34:33.576-08:00mad genius<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Harper Lee, the celebrated author who wrote To Kill A Mockingbird has passed away, as I'm sure you've heard. A gifted and famed writer she was. A glorified one who's book we all were forced to read in high school. And it was a great book! A vintage, old saw that gave Harper Lee illustrious notoriety. </div>
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But why not more? Why are we only left with one, no...two books by this praised author. WHY?!? And her second book was actually her first book entitled; 'Go Set A Watchmen', which is considered to be the 'To Kill A Mockingbird' <b>first draft,</b> which wasn't released until 2015. So, why not another book, or twenty more books by Harper Lee? Well, Harper Lee said it herself. When asked how she felt about possibly writing another book after obtaining such success with her first, she replied, <i>"I'm scared... Because when you're at the top, there's only one way to go."</i></div>
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I have yet to reach the top, thus I have a constant tendency to write, or hunger-to better yet. Sometimes I don't have the time to sit down and do what I love (so tragic), and sometimes I do. I am on a mission to make the time and to make the time <b>daily</b>. And when I do... boy do I sense my own orbit in a whole new way. Oomph! Impulse, enthusiasm, zest, growth and a smile are just a few effects caused by creativity and my efforts to live beyond the fear it causes me. I'm afraid of not having enough time, which is a paradox because all I have is time. I'm also afraid of not succeeding and/or being praised for my work -- feeling special and important. You know, all those things we've all struggled with since birth. But, I'm not paralyzed by these fears, so I push forward regardless. Even if I'm pissed off, it passes. And much like Harper Lee, I too am afraid of not being able to "out do myself "one day. Why? Because I am well aware of the mad genius that takes over me and <b>it's not me</b>. It's something else and that something else wants to do great things through me. Big BIG things. This I know. And this is called confidence. I don't always have it, but it's there when I call on it. And it's that 'something else'<i>,</i> that mad genius, that keeps me alive. Literally. It's why I'm writing this blog and it's why I know I can't stop writing, because, as my favorite author, Elizabeth Gilbert, puts it... <i>"In the end, creativity is a gift to the writer, not just a gift to the audience."</i></div>
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<i>"Just write anything and put it out there with reckless abandon." - Elizabeth Gilbert</i></div>
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<i>"I wish Harper Lee had kept writing. I wish that, right after Mockingbird and her Pulitzer Prize, she had churned out five cheap and easy books in a row -- a light romance, a police procedural, a children's story, <b>anything</b>.You might think I'm kidding, but I'm not. Imagine what she might have created, even accidentally, with such an approach. At the very least, she could have tricked everyone into forgetting that she'd once been Harper Lee. She could have tricked<b> herself </b>into forgetting that she'd once been Harper Lee, which might have been artistically liberating. I wish someone had been able to convince Lee to keep writing for the entirety of her life, and to keep publishing all along. It would have been a gift to the world. And it would have been a gift to her, as well -- to have been able to remain a writer, and to have enjoyed the pleasures and satisfaction of that work for herself. And any other creator, famous or obscure, who ever vanished beneath the shadow of their own real or imagined reputation. I wish somebody had told them all to go fill up a bunch of pages with blah-blah-blah and just publish it, for heaven's sake, and ignore the outcome." -E. Gilbert</i></div>
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Writing more, producing more -- creating MORE is the hardest thing to do for some of us, including myself, because we need the idea first, and a great idea is like a balloon. It's filled with that which gives us life, but it's gone if we let it go. Poof! Into the sky it goes, and we get to watch it leave us from down below. Depressed. There's nothing more disappointing than being inspired and not doing anything about it. Now we need another new idea.<br />
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Better yet, we need a fantastic idea! And that fantastic idea MUST BE ACTED ON, or that fantastic idea is onto the next fantastic, creative person with an imagination to die for. It's onto the next artist with the power to create and a genius that can't be tamed. </div>
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So take your ideas by the horns, and when you do act on them, give yourself a pat on the back but don't stop there. Create more. Write more, or paint more, or take more photos, build more breath taking landscapes, teach more people, help to heal more people. Keep doing whatever it is you do to live your life creatively, <b>beyond fear.</b> <u>The two are the same</u>.<br />
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Be a mad genius, but don't take all the credit! There just might come a day when you do finally rise to that coveted TOP, that place <i>they</i> call the American Dream. That place you call SUCESS. And once you do get there, once you've published that book, or that screenplay, or that album, or that whatever thing you want to see succeed, you have to prepare yourself. Prepare myself for what? Well, like Harper Lee said... <i>Once you're at the top, there's only one way to go. </i>And going down hill takes some preparation. You have to make sure your heart "brakes" work because you're going to have to stop yourself from punching someone in the face when your next project flops and they tell you it sucked. You got to make sure your mind-engine is tuned-up so your thoughts don't turn on you like assholes during an ego induced crisis. Your thoughts have to be your friends, not your enemies. That could take some work, and maybe some yoga. You have to make sure your battery is charged so nothing stops you, even if you are on a downward slope. Who says going downhill is such a bad thing? Isn't that what we live for on the ski slopes?<br />
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I'm not a cynical person who thinks we can't have success without an accompanied failure or catastrophe. I just know with certainty that life is unpredictable and full of surprises. It could end at any time, and being scared really just isn't worth it. Welcoming your mad genius is.<br />
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I believe in the power of constant creation whether treading upstream or down. I don't invest my energy into the ups and downs - the great highs and shitty lows. I feel it sometimes, and it can hurt like hell but it passes. And when it does pass, after a few glasses of wine, I plunge myself back into the process of writing, which takes dedication, and completing, which takes focus. And I go where the wind blows me, like that idea balloon, even if it starts to rain. We can't have the rainbow without a little rain (Dolly Parton). And we can't act on the idea if we let the balloon go.<br />
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Unlike Harper Lee, who was phenomenal but limited herself, I want to create <b>lots</b> of stuff, even after I'm really famous, or before, or if I never become really famous! Why? Because who cares about being famous when what you're doing simply makes you happy. Thus, I'm writing three different screenplays at the moment, striving to focus each day and allot myself a window every morning to sit down and WRITE. Because it's what makes me happy.<br />
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<i>One Love, One War</i> is still in full swing. I'm in a state of re-write and "perfecting<i>", </i>which, in turn, keeps the story alive and well. Because frankly, I'm scared to death to let a script sit and collect dust. If it's dusty, then I'm dusty (figuratively speaking). I know I have a lot of dirty work to do, but I'm not one for dust.<br />
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Here's the deal: I want so badly to produce my film. <i>One Love, One War </i>is my passion project. It's my MASSIVE project and getting it made properly will take millions of dollars, and I believe in this possibility because I believe in myself. I wrote a love story about humanity vs. evil amidst the days of Hilter and his followers. It's a thriller about a spiritual battle within a war against humanity, and in this war... <u>we are all one</u>. So, I don't plan on giving up on this powerful film, or getting too far away from it. Again, if it collects dust, so do I. Thus, I am re-reading it and making fixes - doing a good edit - staying IN IT. Staying excited ABOUT IT. And meanwhile, I'm ferociously (on most days) writing two other scripts. I'm not sure if they're as good as <i>One Love, One War, </i>and I'm not one hundred percent positive they'll sale. But I still can't let that stop me. </div>
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But, lets say I do win an Academy Award for <i>One Love, One War</i> one day. Lets just say that happens (big smile on my face right now). Do I stop there? Do I back off in the Caribbean somewhere because I'm at the top now and I'm not so sure I can go any higher -- top my own success. Top myself. It is a world war two thriller/love story. I mean... those are usually pretty amazing films, and I wrote an amazing one too. (tooting my own horn) So, let's say it happens.<br />
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And the Oscar goes to..... ME! Yay! Lots of tears and more tears. Maybe some hysterical laughing and let me grab my speech. Oh God where is my speech? Kiss my girlfriend. Kiss her again. Smile. Try not to jump up and down, or TRIP like Jennifer Lawrence. I can already see it. It's awesome. (give me a second. To. Enjoy...)<br />
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Okay. I'm back.</div>
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I won. So, now do I write that dark comedy about my life in LA? The one I started a year ago and haven't finished. Do I write my FBI story about an intuitive woman on the brink of suicide who has a few revelations that save her life? Or, do I stop and revel in my success -- frolic in approval and praise because I wrote a master piece and won a prize, because I'm a genius (who forgot to give credit to the mad genius that guided me) and that's all I can do and be. Do I become so vapid that I actually take ownership of the inspiration that passed through me like a fever leaving me too hot, bothered and scared to ever write again?<br />
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Do I let the <i>"once you're at the top, there's only one way to go." </i>thought defeat me? Do I fear my self to the point of no return, no return to a <i>creative life</i>.<br />
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<b>No</b>. I won't do any of this. I refuse to give up on my creative living, and I balk at my brilliance because it's not mine. I'm just inspired and open to ideas, ideas that I grabbed by the horns. Ideas that agreed to stay.<br />
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This keeps me real. </div>
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And speaking of <i>real</i>, there is really no such thing as "reaching the top", not if the sky is the limit, or better yet... the universe. And when there's no top, there's no bottom. We're just guided here, there, waaaaaayyyy over there. Closer to <i>here</i>. Back over there. We're forever guided.<br />
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We're lead by something else, and it's that <i>mad genius</i> that just happens to happen to us. It's those great ideas that flow through us making us free (emphasis on <b>free</b>) to rise and fall, <i>unknowingly.</i> Because when our thinking is not obsessed with getting to "the top" then we're focused on The Journey. We don't even notice the ups and downs at that point. We just experience the process... the process of of understanding our self... better. Because after all, that's what life is all about.<br />
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So be embrace that mad genius, even if it's scary. Just don't call yourself a mad genius, because you're not. And if you think you are, be afraid...be very afraid of failure and your own success. You're simply inspired by something greater than you, and <i>it's </i>a genius.<br />
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<b>Never stop creating</b>. Creation takes you beyond fear. And that's your magic. Be magical and say hello to the mad genius.<br />
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Peace and love. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-20943542499819245612016-01-03T16:47:00.002-08:002016-01-03T21:40:28.936-08:00Happy New Year!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy New Year! </div>
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I'd like to share with you my <b>Director/Actor/Editor Reel</b></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5ZW7nxToRjc/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5ZW7nxToRjc?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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These are films written, produced and directed by me. I'm also an actor and there is so much more to come! I'm currently working on my next film. So, please stay tuned. <br />
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It's a new year. Happy 2016! This is another new opportunity and another new beginning for me and for you, so make it matter and make it count! Because your dreams are never too big if you're willing to endure the struggle they come with. Your dreams are also never too small if they make your heart sing and your mind break fee from the shackles of<i> fear</i>. I'm scared to death of failure, but that doesn't stop me from failing and it sure as hell won't stop me from succeeding. I'll fail and fail and fail if that means I'm getting closer to triumph. All it takes is time... and a lot of courage. Thick skin helps too, and prayer/meditation. And love and support, of course.<br />
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So, dream, dream and dream some more because that's what our life is made of - dreams. And nightmares. Angels and assholes. Hearts and souls. Courage and the lack of...<br />
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So be courageous and dream like you're going to live forever! Be an angel not an asshole. And if you get a minute, check out Elizabeth Gilbert's latest book, <i style="text-decoration: underline;"><b>Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear</b></i>. I'm currently reading it and it's awesome. FEAR IS BORING and so are we when we're afraid. And though we have to learn to live with our boring little friend<i> fear</i> because she's incapable of truly being eradicated from our system, that doesn't mean we have to be afraid. So, here's to confidence despite our fear and balance despite our chaos!<br />
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And here's to a little excerpt from E. Gilbert's book that I really dug...<br />
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<i>"Dearest Fear: Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you'll be joining us, because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I'm about to anything interesting--and, may I say, you are superb at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip which is to work hard and stay focused. And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There's plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are a part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still--your suggestions will never be followed. You're allowed to have a seat, and you're allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You're not allowed to touch the road maps; you're not allowed to suggest detours; you're not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you're not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear friend old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive."</i></div>
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Don't be afraid of your fears, accept them and put that shit in check! Because, life is short. Don't be scared to live it. Have a great new 360 days of joy, fear, victory, fear and more joy! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-17301929413684346062015-12-12T09:59:00.004-08:002015-12-15T12:00:42.510-08:00Cookie<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL1cSWN7VvdSgkb23K7eGeMhCtxmK2ygyivTE3UMulj93DFb_XaL6OXqe0PuRymuZ-Luhs-qF993rivu4i1wFjl7IVwNLg_EaYMh5J5WHmGVrCpVHwbwz4LWeRfkHKO-WhBGl_48RiDEIf/s1600/Cookie+poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL1cSWN7VvdSgkb23K7eGeMhCtxmK2ygyivTE3UMulj93DFb_XaL6OXqe0PuRymuZ-Luhs-qF993rivu4i1wFjl7IVwNLg_EaYMh5J5WHmGVrCpVHwbwz4LWeRfkHKO-WhBGl_48RiDEIf/s320/Cookie+poster.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
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A film by Anne-Marie Evans</div>
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Hello again dear readers. Tis the season and I'm back on my blog! Happy Christmas (said in my English accent that I wish was real) and happy holidays, all holidays. It's been a bountiful year for me and these last six months have been persevering, to say the least. I launched my latest film trailer and crowd fund campaign, which you can visit <b><a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cookie-a-short-film-by-anne-marie-evans--3/x/12712565#/" target="_blank">here on Indiegogo</a>.</b> I directed and starred in the trailer, which you can watch, and my plan now is to make the film! This is where you come into the equation. Yay! You get to be a part of this film too... if you'd like to be.<br />
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Visit the <a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cookie-a-short-film-by-anne-marie-evans--3/x/12712565#/" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a> and if you love what see and feel inspired, compelled, moved or even slightly entertained...then please do support my film. I spent an ass load of money making the movie trailer and I need an ass load of money to make the film, and assloads of money don't fall from trees, at least not yet, so donate to the making of this film, share the link, reach out to me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/cookiethemovie/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Facebook</a>! Seriously. Any support is FANTASTIC.<br />
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This is a film that will inspire people. Why, because we all suffer and overcoming that bondage is inspirational. This film will make you smile and it will make you cry. It does all those delicious things that wake us up inside and make us think. And, these are the kind of films we need in today's world...because today's world is horrid! Love to all who fall victim to the atrocities. God bless and God speed.<br />
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My film <b><a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cookie-a-short-film-by-anne-marie-evans--3/x/12712565#/" target="_blank"><i>Cookie</i></a> </b>is about an FBI agent turned suicidal drug addict. After two sudden deaths violently knock agent Alex Anderson of her feet, she loses all hope and feels as though she has nothing to live for anymore... until she meets Cookie, the adorable little white dog, and his owner David. This is a film about loss - loss of the ones we love, loss of hope. Addiction is the undertone in this film, recovery is the intention and love is the reverie. Love is the spirit. So, for anyone who's ever had a dream, lost a loved one, lost all hope, fallen to addiction, overcome addiction and/or gained a new found glory and sense of hope by virtue of wisdom and truth, then this film is for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel regardless of how far-flung it may seem, and that light shines for everyone. Please support, and if you do... THANK YOU. If you don't want to, thank you for reading. And do it anyways! Because there's always time to change your mind. And there's always room for more love and support in the world. :)<br />
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As for the world outside my movie, it's tragically bitter and seems to be getting colder and colder each day. So, we have to suit up and stay warm... within. Braid your heart with your mind and defy evil with your actions and your smile because joy is what disturbs the monster-people the most, so stay happy in this unhappy world. Stay strong. And stay you.<br />
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Press onward and upward. Peace. -AM<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-32208023825212442832015-08-14T14:01:00.002-07:002015-08-14T19:41:30.280-07:00you and snafu<br />
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Photo and meme by Danielle Grunkemeyer. </div>
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I often wonder to myself... what does it <i>really</i> mean to be successful? 'Cause a Range Rover isn't going to do the WHOLE job. And whatever job it does do, it's going to involve heavy LA traffic, stop lights and me warding off impatience and anxiety in my attempt at being a better person. So, that surely isn't success. Kudos to my efforts at bettering myself, but the Range Rover just isn't the answer. Neither is the Oscar I hope to win one day... or the Emmy, or the Golden Globe, or the Grammy. Hell, I'm not picky. I'll take 'em all! And when I do, if I do, oh I hope I do... it still won't define <i>success. </i>It may for some, but not for me. Porque??<br />
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Because nothing's ever enough. My brutal honesty. It the "not enough" syndrome and it's probably something most of us can relate to in one way or another. This snafu complex has it's pros and cons too. You can get a lot done when enough is never enough. You can thrive on a walloping sense of motivation, ambition, or even delusion when <u>you just don't have enough.</u> Maybe you're broke, so you join the rat race. You become that dog that eats the other dog because you must have more. There's nothing to lose when you have nothing. So, you go out there and you get more, but then you need more after that and then some more after that. And then maybe a little more after that too, or a lot more!<br />
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But they say less is more. And this is why they say that.<br />
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For someone like myself who believes firmly in having nothing to lose because life has an expiration date, I just think there's so much we fail to keep when enough is just never enough. For starters, we fail to keep it real, and that's the greatest tragedy of them all. When we pretend to be something we're not, we're not successful. We're convinced. We're persuaded into thinking that if we don't do it this way or that way, and if we didn't do this, this, and that, then we didn't do right. Thus, we did it wrong. Cue that horrid sense of failure and then that shitty infinite fear of more failure.<br />
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Now we fail to keep our thoughts in check, our dreams in motion, our sanity, and our confidence while we twirl in a vicious circle <i>not</i> called life. It's called confusion.<br />
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The not enough syndrome also has several side effects, confusion being the most customary as well as anxiety and stress. Hernias and strokes are the more serious side effects. It' a catch-22, this little thing called <i>wanting more and then getting it</i>. But it's not SUCCESS.<br />
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True prosperity doesn't come with an awful aftertaste. It comes with knowledge. You have to know who you are. Whether your dream is to win an academy award or your dream is to wine and dine with the love of your life, knowing who you are and fearlessly being that person is what success is all about.<br />
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You'll have a rewarding relationship with your self and that in itself crowns your interconnection with others. You'll have a successful life doing what you enjoy doing because you know what makes you happy and you have the courage to go out there and do it, even if it is just for a moment of the day.<br />
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"<i>Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around." </i><br />
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Success isn't accompanied by a measuring tape. You don't have to reach great heights. You just have to reach that place where you say, "<i>I am who I am and that's enough." </i>You don't need a Range Rover to do that. You need a realization or two or two hundred because knowing who you are is a journey of it's own. It's a path that takes you to the core of everything that happens to you in this human experience. You get to your core and you don't get there in a Porsche, you get there simply by being <i>here</i>. Present and totally at peace. That's success.<br />
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<b>Victory</b>, on the other hand, is to know you still have so much more to learn about yourself, and you keep learning and you keep smiling too, because knowing <i>yourself </i>better is exciting.<br />
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Life is short. So, keep looking up. It makes everything taller. And keep looking within. It makes everything beautiful.<br />
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Sat Nam.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-9008294634138341272015-06-17T10:39:00.002-07:002015-06-17T14:48:33.038-07:00her <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is me. And this is her.<br />
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To start, I'd like to share this video from a song I wrote entitled <i>"Something Else".</i> This was the first single off my album entitled <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/forward-the-ep/id501283304">FORWARD</a><i>, </i>which<i> </i>released back in 2012. This song is about hope and healing and so is the video.<br />
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Without hope there is no healing and without healing there is no hope. They go hand in hand. There's nothing else without the two, and there's nothing to look forward to either. And that's p-r-e-t-t-y depressing. But there's an upside! There's a brighter side somewhere else... where the grass is greener (because you watered it) and because you made the effort to live and learn rather than just live and die. You choose the life you want to live or you don't, someone else does, and you live unhappily ever after. You choose. I choose. We all choose. We either opt for something else or we opt for nothing else and nothing changes.<br />
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I want something else and I want it every day. That doesn't mean I want everything to change on a daily basis. I love my life. It just means I rekindle my world on the inside, and as often as possible. All it takes is gratitude, a deeper breath, more awareness and a whole shit ton more of that crazy thing called patience. And red wine. Ha! Now the will to change the things I have the power to change is mine for the taking. Cheers! Here's to something else! Something incredible. New directions. New perspectives. New beginnings.<br />
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A <i>new path</i>.<br />
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As for the path I've already beaten, she's a friend. She's been a jerky, uneven, rocky one at times, but she's still a friend - a noble one and much appreciated. Thanks old path! I have no regrets. She makes me who I am and she's gotten me to where I am. As for the turnpikes up ahead, that path I've yet to tread. All I know is she's a bit of a mystery, an alluring one to say the least. In my head she's everything I want her to be. She's perfect. I'm wealthy, maybe even famous. I'm driving a really hot car. I'm shopping in Greece. I'm super materialistic! Ha! A+ for keeping it real. I am only human. And in my human heart, the path I've yet to tread is actually the concrete beneath my feet<i> right now</i>. My heart says this fluffy rug and this cold hardwood floor, this soft breeze from the air-conditioner and my itchy toes, are what matters most. This desk where I'm writing this blog, the delicious fourth cup of coffee I shouldn't be drinking and the cute dog that's barking - it's her. She's the beauty in my bed. Her morning kisses. <i>It's this very moment</i>. Perfection is right now says my heart. I have everything I need.<br />
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A <i>new perception</i>.<br />
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And in my soul, it's the only perception. Everything else is distortion. Life is now. To think it starts when I'm rich and famous, or shopping in Greece, or anywhere other than HERE is a false interpretation of the truth. And the truth is... life is a journey and it starts <i>here right now</i>, but that's not all. She's so much more. I have yet to discover her entire-ness. That could take lifetimes. I do know she's a constant reminder to just <b>let go... </b>because she doesn't last forever. She's short and sweet like a poem so live and let love. If we don't, then she's long and winded. And she's a lesson, a slow and painful one for many. I prefer poetry.<br />
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So a poetic path she is 'cause she's what's written. She's destiny. She's serendipity and a parallel life. She's beautiful. And until the mysterious future shows its face, life is what she is and what's meant to be will be. I like to call my life a <i>she</i> because I see her as female... like me. Like mother earth. Like the spirit goddess within. She's the woman who gives birth to healing hands and hearts that weep with mercy. She grants consistency to hope. I relate. I understand. And yet, I have so much to learn... about myself.<br />
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About <i>her</i>.<br />
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I feel deeply compelled to discover her meaning though - her outcomes amidst her battles, her victories amidst her glories. 'Cause this is me... and this is her. And yes Madonna, life is a mystery but we don't have to stand alone. I prefer to dance... and it's takes two to dance together. To dance with her...<br />
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But it only takes one to discover her meaning. And One Love is indeed... her glory. And it's <i>Something Else</i>.<br />
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Enjoy the video! Sat nam.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-90836279387517729842015-03-10T17:53:00.002-07:002015-03-19T15:10:33.017-07:00about me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> .... <span style="line-height: 22px;">I love Marilyn Monroe. She was a beautiful, extraordinary, goddess princess. Nuff said. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">I also like Italian food, long, corn ball walks on the beach... but this isn't a dating profile so let me get to my blog. It looks like dialogue cause I'm a screenwriter --</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;">ANNE-MARIE EVANS</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;">(eating chocolate, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"> slightly </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">whimsical)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">As an artist!!! As an artist... as an artist -- Or, more specifically! As a writer, director and musician... I just strive to help make a difference in the world... and that change starts with me. So, I <i>tell</i> </span><i style="line-height: 22px;">all</i><span style="line-height: 22px;"> here at <b>"Regarding Everything"</b> in hopes of provoking more honesty and open-ess in the world "out there". </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;"> (Beat)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;">Because we're starving for open-ness and honesty!!! We want the truth!!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;"> (Jack Nicholson voice) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">But we can't handle the truth!!! </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">Seriously though, we're hungry.... They should put truth in $1 bean burritos or Kale. We'd get so fat on authenticity and virtue. It'd be awesome, in a fat way. We're also totally desperate, if not needy, for love! But I'm not judging. I'm totally needy and desperate for love too, every second Sunday of the month and maybe on Tuesdays. Or possibly every day but who's counting? </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">I am! Why!? Cause I'm a WRITER and <u>WE GOT ISSUES</u> and I gotta figure my shit out fast so I can write about it! And <i>tell all</i>! Ha. Now give me a cookie for my honesty. Or a glass of wine. I'd prefer a glass of wine actually, that way I can drown my issues in antioxidants, "oh shit!" text messages, and a good buzz. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;"> (totally humored by my own humor)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;">No, but seriously. My issues are beautiful. They give me "curves". Not physical curves though. I'm actually pretty thin. It's genetic. My mom is a treadmill. Spiritual curves is more like it. I don't go straight (ever)... I swerve to the left then to the right. I ride the waves like a surfer goddess. I bend. I break. And I say <i>fuck it</i>! #repeat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px;"> (Beat)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">I dare to live on the edge where it's risky... where I'm broken and beautiful. And thus, my </span><i style="line-height: 22px;">issues.</i><span style="line-height: 22px;"> </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">But we all have them... whether we swerve hard and to the left or we play it safe. We all meander through the day <i>'doin' our thang'</i> in </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">hopes</span><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"> of NOT being confused anymore and maybe </span></span><span style="line-height: 22px;">discovering</span><span style="line-height: 22px;"> our life's purpose one day. </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">And I believe we can obtain our life-purpose info, as well as more love and more truth </span><i style="line-height: 22px;">more</i><span style="line-height: 22px;"> abundantly through the art of self profession and self-discovery... and include in there a deeper connection to others. Yes, it's an ART. Get my drift? That doesn't mean you have to paint, or sculpt, or web design, or act, or sing or write screenplays... It just means your art is what's in your heart, and we've all got a heart. So I simply dare you to DIG and go deeper within your own core. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">What's your heART say? Do you dream beyond the night and day? </span><span style="line-height: 22px;">Life is but a dream... or a nightmare depending on how you perceive it. So I say</span><span style="line-height: 22px;"> change</span><span style="line-height: 22px;"> your perspective! Dream. Listen to your heart. Get more real by getting more free... and then fly like a bird. And may that Free Bird journey be a glorious one...for you and for me. Sat Nam. </span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 22px;">And DON'T BE NORMAL, it's BORING. </span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-30143136322889217902015-02-25T09:55:00.000-08:002015-02-25T15:01:13.726-08:00Los Angeles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This video features a version my song <i>"Angel Out There" </i>that's never been heard or released before, until now. </div>
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Moving to LA was the best thing I ever did. It's been 8 years and counting since I packed my little Honda to the brim and drove myself to the City of Angeles, though it feels as though it's been 20. How time has flown, and yet how time does stand still, when I stop to notice. To put it very plain, I've gone through a lot in this small-scale metropolis we call Hollywood. I've been very high and I've been very low, but like a colorful kite I'm still sailing in a vault of heaven on my heart's sky boat. Yes, my heart has a sky boat. I sail not the sea, but the sky because I prefer to be above not below. Rise above and carry on. My creed. Experience, hurt, challenge and triumph have all guided me toward my eternal moon where I wish to play among the stars one day. Until then, I swallow the sun in my relentless effort to live the truth and comprehend that which is not. I swallow the sun and hope to show everyone the light within us all when we strip the silence and flip the violence inside out. Look within and look closely. I paint my silver linings on a day-to-day basis. Without them, I'd be lost.<br />
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So, thank you LA. You gave me the silver on my search for the gold.<br />
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I've grown <i>up</i> in la la land, a "boom town" often mistaken for a big city. But it's not a big city, and I have a profusion of synchronicity to prove it. Yes... serendipity and parallel lives are both the platforms in which my life has been built upon in Los Angeles. And though the seasons have shifted and some's chapters were dwarfed, I'm thankful for the experience despite the ending. I believe there is a divine reason for every human interaction regardless of the effect it has on me. I win some and I learn some. I don't lose some.<br />
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Because there's nothing left to lose, and <i>when there's nothing left to lose...everything that's left is all that you need. </i><br />
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And I'm grateful for everything that's left and for my spirit soldiers who still embrace this season with me today. I'm honored to share my journey toward a mystery with each of you. Love, Friendship, Support... it's everything. That's why I've made this video.<br />
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This is my tribute to the dream and the people who have loved me along the way. Thank you. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-33015706558636689872015-01-01T17:26:00.000-08:002015-01-04T14:37:25.563-08:00point of convergence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hello and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope 2015 offers you vast visions, love, light, peace, and triumph.<br />
I've been away from my blog for a while. So, I wanted to drop in and share some news while I pontificate.<br />
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For the past five months I've been screenwriting, an art form that's become my new favorite creative medium. There's just something about inventing a world and all the people in it... it's invigorating as f***!!<br />
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Last summer, I directed and starred in the movie trailer for my debut feature film entitled <i>"One Love, One War"</i>, which was one of the most rewarding and fantastic experiences of my life. This includes the entire process - from writing the script for a year, to casting and meeting countless actors, to re-writing the script for 6 more months, to finding crew and discovering earth shattering talent, to meeting producers, making new friends, shooting, editing, releasing, talking shop, to NOW! And the journey has only begun, according to me.<br />
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Now I'm onto my second and third script simultaneously and I couldn't be more delighted to be drawing my precious focus in amidst this new year kick off! What better time than now. 2015 here I come. Focused and ready.<br />
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I realize it's FOCUS that makes me ready and anything <i>is</i> possible, especially screenwriting. Plain ol' FOCUS is all it takes to create the life you want to live, or don't want to live. I can pray all day long and ask the man in sky to open all the doors for me and make my wildest dreams come true, and I do. I most certainly do. I ask the man in the sky for lots of stuff. Sometimes I even beg him. I call those PMS induced prayers. I may whine a little too, but we all have our off days. I also ask favors from the man on the cross, the man with the white beard and the turban, and my favorite holy Hindu man. <i>Oh Shiva, please do destroy this for me. It's annoying. Thanks! </i><br />
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I ask a lot of men to do a lot of things for me. Ha. Dear God guy, would you please..? Could you please..? With a cherry on top? Amen.<br />
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But let's get serious, without my focus I can't expect any of these "men" to do anything at all. I believe God is in our actions and our words. And if we neglect or just forget to do and say something powerful and effective (on a regular basis), then there is no God and life sucks.<br />
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I have to do the dirty work. I have to speak up, and so does everyone else with a dream and a purpose. I have to tame my possible A.D.D. (Gemini) like a lion first. I have to tune in and tune out, step back then jump in as though diving head first into a sea of solution. <b>Focused </b>I am because it's a new day damn it! And it's a new dawn and a new year, and like Joan Didion once said: "<i>I have already lost touch with a couple people I used to be". </i>So, forget who you were and be who you are. Lose touch. Lose all your senses. Be typhlotic and perceive all that never was so that you can detect all <i>that is </i>with joy, wisdom and strength. Wonder off like a child if you must, but only to discover where you are, not where you're going.<br />
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And sense the truth always...in all her grace and glory, and in all her mystery and suppleness. Then notice your horripilation, your skin bumping up, as you intensify as though a lover's coming close. You're honest now. Things are clear. You know what's up. And she gets closer - guiding you to freedom, guiding you to <i>you</i> where you find your <u>point of convergence</u>.<br />
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The truth is lovely.<br />
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Sat Nam. Happy new day and new year.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-10587722997215177502014-09-19T10:55:00.003-07:002014-09-25T19:25:18.535-07:00Just know<br />
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Live in the know. </div>
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Know that you're being guided. Know that there is something to learn from every experience and every relationship. Know there's a lesson. Know that everyone has a purpose in your life, whether they come and go or stick around till the end. Know that there's a truth in every matter. Know that you can always start over. Know that every new day is a fresh start. Know that you have a purpose in this world, even if you don't know what that purpose is. Know that one day you will know. Know that life is a journey. Know that life is short, so enjoy it because nothing lasts forever except the memories you leave behind. Know you are memorable. Know you are beautiful. Know you are powerful and brilliant. Know that you are loved. Know that you are big. Know that you are small. Know that you can change everything simply by changing the way you think about everything. Know that you can help change the world. Know that you are that incredible. Know that you are enough. Know that you are stronger than you think you are. Know that you are a light source that can shed light on other lives, inspiring and healing others. Know that you are a healer. Know you are a friend. Know that you can increase your sense of <i>knowing </i>by leaning on love, rather than fear. Know that love is what you were born with. Fear is what you learned here. Know you can let it all go...Know.<br />
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Just know.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7229948918306513486.post-67375060994763211072014-08-14T12:41:00.000-07:002014-08-30T09:06:32.905-07:00break throughI got away from my blog for a few months because I've been working on a film for the past year and a half. I just finished directing, producing and starring in my first original short film. I spent over a year writing the feature and then adapted it into a short-trailer. I had the time of my life writing this story and taking so many leaps of faith - meeting so many new and wonderfully talented people. And now I'm excited to be onto the next step forward as a film maker, as a human being, and I'm grateful for the journey it's been thus far, and for the journey it will be. Words do not even begin to really describe how I feel about my life.<br />
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Although, there is one word that can describe this feeling, this experience and every experience on that note. And that word is <i>Trust</i>.<br />
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To release the urge to contend with life<i> as it is</i>, is to trust. To resist that urge and simply <i>allow</i> rather than refuse is to trust. By opposing <i>what</i> <i>is </i>or what potentially <i>will be</i>, could be, might be, should be, we become contrary to everything - love, peace, understanding, acceptance, new beginnings. You name it. But by allowing life events to unfold as they do in accordance to something greater than our self, without kicking and screaming, we start to make great use of what we've got, rather than not. And what we've got is the power to press on and reclaim our life, our hope and our vitality. We become acquainted with the truth at this given point, and the truth is: It is as what it is. So, let it be. You're not as almighty as you think you are. You are very powerful, but there is still something more divine than the clever chaos stirring in that mind of yours, motivating your every move. What's meant to be will be. And having a sense of trust in something fantastic is helpful. It's a shoulder to lean on. It might even be your own shoulder, but when our trust does set in, it sets on our hearts and it glows like the sun dazzling on an autumn eve. It's magnificent.<br />
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And whether you're investing your certitude in God, or energy, or affirmations, or love, or just yourself alone, or all the above, or just a few, trusting that bigger reign gives that bigger reign something to work with - some wiggle room per say. It's like saying; "<i>Okay, I'm ready for you!"</i>. Without hope and confidence, divine intervention cannot intervene nor can it thrive. Personally, I think our spirit or our higher self, or our God, needs us just as much as we need <i>it,</i> so making room for "the intervention" is the key. It's also my religion. Everything else is merely commentary.<br />
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It's not an easy way in either, nor is it an easy way out because once you're in there is no "out". But you have to break in like a thief in the night. You have to kick in the door and bust open the window to your soul. You have to rob yourself blind of all hope and all presumed identities until all you can see is YOU. Stripped down naked. Empty. Broken. Open. Hopeless and compelled. Now you're <i>in</i>.<br />
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But you have to break down before you break<i>through</i>. I heard Gabrielle Bernstein say that. And this is where our humility kicks in...and it kicks hard. But before it kicks (us right in the ass), we kick and we scream and we cry, and then we pray, or we don't pray. Then we try to fix everything our self. We think we can change everything by changing everyone. Then that doesn't work. So, cue the break down. And be it nervous or emotional, or psycho, it can break us all the way down. And for some of us this is the point of no return. We thought we were the master of our destiny, and we are in a way. So, why the shitty fate? Why the <i>no return</i> policy? Because the breakthrough is still to come.<br />
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You see...destiny is forever just like diamonds. Our fate, on the other hand is provisional. It can twist and turn. It can flip us upside down and chew us up and spit us out. Fate can spin us around in circles. And round and round we go as history repeats itself as it does so well. But fate, no matter how grim, is also our skipper. She's our sea captain in a cosmic ocean of break<i>throughs </i>and revelations<i>. </i>She gets us back home where the heart. Where we're whole and happy.<br />
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After the break down.<br />
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Then we become the master of our destiny, indeed. I do believe in this vast concept, but this vast concept comes with a paradox or two, and they're alive and well. Break down. Break through. Break free! By <i>allowing. </i>Because it is what it is dammit! And it can suck major ass. So, deal with it...peacefully. Or don't and be unhappy.<br />
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<i>I can't change what's beyond my control.</i> Those are words I force feed myself when I've lost all my precious control. I can't force it. I can't chase it. I can't beg it. I can't fight it. I can't convince it to understand me. I can't hit it. But! I can let it go...or maybe I'll just <b>let it be</b>.<br />
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<i>Let it be. Let it be. Let it be...let it be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be. Let it be. </i><br />
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These three words + you = happiness. Cue the break<i>through</i>.<br />
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Happiness is not overrated either. I don't care what they say, but it is a slippery lil sucker. Cue the escargot. Ha! Pretty Woman humor. Happiness is tricky! I've said this before, and though not an idea nor a true emotion, not if you ask me, happiness is a perceived, gustatory sensation in the mind and body. I'm no doctor, but I do know that emotions pass like scenery when cruising down a highway at rapid speeds. They come and go. They're high, they're low. Emotions are assholes. Happiness is not an asshole, and it's not designed to touch and go like a flighty jerk. Happiness isn't fly by the wind. Though it can be spontaneous, it's reliable. It's not ephemeral. It's everlasting.<br />
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But it's tricky! But it's not a trickster by any means. It's a saint, and not the Catholic kind. Unless they were happy. Who am I to judge a catholic saint? I'm just saying, when you're delighted to be alive and a smile paints your face like a crazy Picasso while your heart sings a song that makes you want to dance, you are a saint too. With or without the rosary. All you really need is <i>you</i> to evolve in such a way.<br />
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And once you've got the whole "happy" thing figured out, you can take life by the balls because there's no fooling you. No person or circumstance can take your joy from you because you know too much. You know that cheerfulness and peace of mind haven't got a seat to sit on in a room where all of your emotions have gathered the way people do at a conference or a concert, or a baseball game. It's an emotional conference and it's always a game. Our emotions love games, there's no denying that. It's an ear-splitting concert where we've jammed earplugs into our ears and there's only one encore, maybe two if we beg for it. Then away you go. Back to your car. Back to your exhaustion. Back to your over-thinking, analyzing, planning, worrying, laughing, worrying, planning, drinking, moving too fast, moving too slow. It's a soap opera. It's Dr. Phil.<br />
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It's a bottle of wine.<br />
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Happiness on the other hand, isn't. It's not a show or an emotional whim, nor is it a buzz from a nice Cabernet. It's not obsession over anything. It's relaxation over nothing. It's simple. It needs nothing but you. Happiness is steady when achieved <i>without force</i>, and it can last <i>forever</i>. It's hard to believe, even for me, but this is a realization I've come to at this point in my funky life, and <i>un</i>happiness has been my funky muse. Unhappiness is a douche but she makes for a great teacher. Unhappiness is like that hot school teacher who strips at night. Useful and yet so unfulfilled. <br />
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I think you have to be unhappy for long enough before you fully understand the power of pleasure and optimism. Now I'm not condoning misery, nor am I disregarding it. It's a part of life at some point for everyone. It's an emotion. It's an experience. It changes our life for the better or for the worse. It makes room for our fate to kick us in the face. But like I said earlier, fate can lead us to our destiny. After it kicks us in the face, we can reclaim our happiness despite how we feel because happiness is a mind set that defies our emotions and creates a shift in our consciousness, and in our life when we let it. When we allow it.<br />
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Happiness is a song, and that song is called...<i>"Let it Be". </i>Pure joy might even be our truest six sense, or our seventh sense. Either or.<br />
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I thought this thought while in the bathroom this morning: If it sparks in your heart, act on that instinct. The heart craves happiness, so happy you will be. But if it starts in your mind, resist the urge to over think it. Let it settle. Maybe re-consider. Adjust and start to trust by asking your heart a question or two, or forty. She's not as crazy as they say she is. The heart is instinctive. The mind is impulsive, but a change of mind is genius and a new perspective...well that's a miracle. And so is happiness.<br />
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Marianne Williamson makes a genius point in her reference to<i> A Course In Miracles </i>by saying; <i><b>"Love is what we we're born with. Fear is what we learned here."</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>Love, let it be and be happy. Life is short.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0